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Saturday, 6 September 2003
Fuck Dick Gephardt
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: "Chewing George Lucas' Chocolate" by the Butthole Surfers
Who does this chump think he is calling the President a "miserable failure"? What's the point of such ad hominem nonsense? Gephardt is the miserable failure as best I can tell. Lying about his father being a true blue Teamster who duked it out from the Left when the poor guy was actually a Republican who felt pressured into joining the Teamsters because he didn't want to get blackballed and who disliked the wishy-washy Democratic craphounds his own son later joined. Nice way to honor the old man, you bleached-out bag o' sauerkraut, by lying about his true convictions. Dick Gephardt is Anheuser-Busch's Congessional piggybank from way back: total company man, if you get my drift. I wouldn't piss on him if his overstuffed wallet was on fire. He defended Clinton and he defended Gore and for both those crimes I would never defend him or waste my vote on his behalf. Fuck Dick Gephardt.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 7:34 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
See How Easy It Is to Quit?
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: "You're So Good to Me" by the Beach Boys
The so-called Prime Minister of Palenstine-on-Training-Wheels quit today. That was fast. Seems he can't make anybody follow directions. Then again, that would be historically consistent of the so-called Palestinian people, who are nothing but the rejects and children of rejects from Egypt and Transjordan and wherever else they were kicked out of for being the savages they are. What an astonishing range of garbage to have to rule over. No wonder Abu Mazen quit: his "people" are hopeless.

Know and remember this: every time a peace settlement in Israel appears close to succeeding, the terrorists in [Palestine] will kill and maim and undo. Why? Because the so-called Palestinian people are the useful idiots and the tampons and the cannon fodder of their rich Arab brothers. The ones who could easily help their Palestinian brothers achieve peace and have the kinds of civic and civil bonds that a normal society depends on. Have you ever thought about that? Why don't the Saudis help their Arab brothers in Palestine (well, you know, BESIDES buying them guns and explosives)? Why doesn't the King of Jordan give them a hand? All of those countries, if they just chipped in a little, could build a functioning infrastructure for the Palestinians to build on. SO WHY DON'T THEY, GODDAMMIT?!

Answer: because Arabs hate Jews and they hate the State of Israel and, since the lives of Palestinians don't mean shit to them, anyway, they are plenty happy to see those poor bastards kill themselves and others day after day because it's what terrorizes and undermines the Jewish state. It's Arab using Arab. And how do they pull it off? The rich ones pay off Arafat and his brigades and, from there, the Palestinian Authority or whatever the fuck they call it now doles out money through their network of crime bosses and [precinct chairmen]. But you have something like 80 percent unemployment among the young men and females being treated like garbage and crazy propagandistic shit being flung around like it was infuriated monkeys in a tiny cage. Check out what the kids get taught in those "schools." Look at how they idolize suicide bombers with trading cards and posters plastered on every street corner. Palestinian society is fucking sick ---not just because they're Muslims but because they're Muslims being used like slaves by other and richer Muslims who live like debauched pagan whores and who shrug and laugh at the carnage their bribe money is wreaking on Israel.

I hope we drop a dozen hydrogen bombs on Riyadh, Mecca, Beirut, Damascus, and Gaza City. Enough of these psychopaths! Let's make it clean.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:08 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
A Word from Our Readership
Mood:  chatty
One of the two or three people who actually reads this blog has written to remind me (and both of you, of course) that the President will be addressing the nation Sunday night. Naturally, our correspondent refers to the President as the Fuhrer, which is what one would expect of a self-righteous Leftist who is feeling a bit paranoiac about the way things are going these days. Never mind that this society bears absolutely no resemblance to Nazi Germany; the point is that anyone who supports the war aims of this Administration is a fascist.

This reader ---Helios Creed, whom I can only hope is no relation to Apollo--- also says that tomorrow night's speech will be rich in comedic content, which is an unfortunate thing to believe since the President will almost certainly be talking about issues of war and peace and life and death. Such an attitude suggests that the lives of our soldiers and the future peace of Iraq is less an issue than the opportunity to vent some hatred and some liberal spleen at that great object of evil in the Oval Office; that election-stealing, oil company-pimping, syntax-twisting cowboy from Crawford.

Well, I don't know what we're in for, either, Helios, but I have a strong feeling that many more people are going to trust in Bush than they will in Howard Done or Dickhead Gephardt or in any of those other troglodytes and syphilitic dwarves the Democratic Party is parading about. You want a big juicy conspiracy to uncover? Find out why your party is going to nominate a guaranteed loser in '04. They're practically guaranteeing themselves (and you) a loss.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:15 PM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Friday, 5 September 2003
The Horseshit Latitudes
Mood:  spacey
Not much to tell lately. Professional life is going nowhere fast. My circle is wobbly and the center doesn't much care to hold, if you take my meaning. At least the temperatures seem ready to start dropping a little. And, of course, football season is here, which is always a saving grace. But my car has a leaky radiator (or, maybe just a bad hose) and that's potentially expensive. I dunno. Maybe something interesting will happen soon.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:39 PM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
Saturday, 30 August 2003
Little Buddy Needs to Get Beat Down
Mood:  sharp
I hope they string Andrew Gilligan up by his nads and beat on him like a pinata. I'm sick of these lying turds the BBC keeps producing. I'm pretty much sick of the anti-war Left, in general. They don't have any strategic ideas of their own, no solutions to these age-old problems, and a completely bizarre hatred of Bush and Blair. Which, effectively, means that they are allied with terrorists and Ba'athist/Saddamite dead-enders. I mean, who the fuck do they think they're benefitting with their constant negativity? How about some praise and support for tens of thousands of young Americans, Britons, and other friends who are working (and dying) to rebuild Iraq and to make it a place of democracy and freedom? Can't see that, Gilligan? Shit, YOU couldn't see the American Army sitting on top of Saddam International Airport because you were too busy getting your slopchute serviced by your camera crew back at the beauty parlour, beeatch!


Posted by Toby Petzold at 9:41 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Friday, 29 August 2003
Brown Power, Mang
Mood:  irritated
Why are the media ignoring California Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamante's association with MEChA? Don't want to light that fuse? Brown supremacists are just as ugly as white ones and these cowards in the media ought to be taking Bustamante to task for it.

The Mechistas or whatever they're called are racists (and, really, communist ones, at that). They consider what is now the Southwestern United States to be some mythical ancestral land called Aztlan, which they are determined to reclaim in the name of the Mexican race (La Raza). And, not incidentally, anyone who tells you that La Raza does not mean "The Race" in Spanish is lying to you, compadre.

The Mexican people may very well reclaim the American Southwest by virtue of superior numbers, but by every other standard, their reclamation can only be regarded as a calamity if what they bring to the table is the same kind of crap that goes on in Mexico. We need true citizens who vote and who actually care about their children's education and who believe that speaking English and assimilating is the right (and American) thing to do. But if these Mechistas and their even less-informed offshoots simply want to balkanize and ghettoize this country's southwestern borderlands, then they are nothing more than a bunch of goddamned Visigoths, smashing up the integrity of a truly important civilization.

If Bustamante wants to lead California, he can't do it without renouncing his racist past and the very idea of Aztlan. Shame on the media for ignoring this ongoing story.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 7:32 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Tuesday, 26 August 2003
A Joke
Mood:  mischievious
Q.: Say, how many Palestinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A.: One to screw in the light bulb;
three hundred or so to moon and preen before the BBC and CNN cameras at the entrance of the local emergency room;
a couple dozen to move each martyr out of the ambulance and onto glory.

Why don't these fucking bastards go home or go to school or something? If milling about in the streets and carrying on with the pained obviousness of a heartbroken son in a turn-of-the-century Italian melodrama were a business, the Palestinians would be firing gold-plated machine guns by now.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 9:05 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Edith T. Hemphill (1913-2003)
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: maybe a little Bob Wills
Edith Ruth (Tiner) Hemphill passed away yesterday at St. David's Hospital in Austin, Texas. She was and always will be the beloved maternal grandmother of two of my oldest friends, Robert and Kenny Jones. And, I am proud to say, she almost never let me go without reminding me that I, too, was just like one of her own.

I probably met Granny in September or October of 1982 when I first began spending time at her home at Robert's invitation. She was a fine cook in the old Southern tradition and a "Granny meal" was something to look forward to: she'd fry up steaks and patties, potatoes and gravy, beans and greens, and make delicious cornbread and sweet tea. She was a generous and hospitable woman and I will miss her kitchen.

In those first few years when so many of my weekends were spent in her home, she couldn't have known how important her hospitality was to me. Looking back on how close Jones and I were, it's impossible to imagine our friendship without our reliance on Granny's warmth and acceptance, too. She loved Robert and Kenny so dearly that I couldn't have escaped that feeling myself ---even if I had wanted to.

Granny was incredibly active and was constantly out walking and running errands on foot. But, so often, I would be in the area, either in my own car or doing my patrols at the DPS, and I would stop and give her a ride to wherever she was going. I broke the rules a few times doing that, which I think she must have known, but I didn't care. And I didn't want her to care, either. I felt better for doing it, even though I know she would have been just as happy to have walked it out, anyway.

But over these 21 years, I have always kept any eye out for Granny and her home. I always felt like it was the right thing to do.

There are so many memories I could share with you right now, but my overwhelming sense is simply one of peacefulness ---for her sake. I know her grandsons are grieving, but I am thinking of all the times we would go eat Chinese food on her birthday (Why Chinese? I still don't know!); or sit out in the back yard and talk about the weather or complain about the economy; or the times she'd sew some button or patch for me; or all the times when she knew but wouldn't say....

"...but the greatest of these is Charity..."

Good bye, Granny. Christ keep you.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 1:59 AM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Saturday, 23 August 2003
Vermin
Mood:  don't ask
The anti-war Left is sure enjoying the opportunity that the bombing of the U.N. HQ in Baghdad has afforded them. Lots of talk about how the pro-war Right in America is eating crow now. What a predictable load of losers they are. They insist the U.N. is Iraq's best hope for peace, but the U.N. has never guaranteed anything that Uncle Sam didn't have to force upon some tyrant first. American troops are always the queen on the chessboard that these theorizing chin-strokers would like to forget. They ---these European NGOs and commie journalists---imagine that their way and their culture is the only path to peace. Gosh, if only we had listened to the French, there wouldn't have been such bloodshed these past several months. Rather, it would have been the biggest cocksuckers' carnival in recorded history. How much of the store would we have given away to provide the entire Hussein clan with golden parachutes and a pad in Geneva for them to land?

Now, is it an urban legend or did Kofi Annan and Sergio de Mello explicitly tell the US military to make itself scarce around the U.N. HQ? You know: a PR stunt to make the locals feel welcome! A huge fucking mistake to make the tourist-terrorists feel welcome when one of them came barrelling down the road in a giant cement mixer full of explosives. Naturally, Uncle Sam is responsible for that.

How much more smoothly things would have gone had our allies not been such chickenshits. We needed to come into Iraq from the north in Turkey and stop things dead in their tracks, but no: we had to subject ourselves to blackmail conferences with our putative allies. You know: the ones whose greatest desire (outside of screwing us for more billions) is to kill Kurds. Say! That makes the Turks about as reprehensible as any Ba'athist you'd ever want to meet. I dunno. Are Kurds anything like Gypsies? Maybe those guys know better. But, then again, the Turks pushed too hard for their advantage and now have a lot of people here who will remember their intransigence.

So, instead of crushing the resistance from both ends of Iraq, we forced a lot of it into their little holed-ups all over the so-called Sunni Triangle. That is where most of these murderers of our men are crawling out of, you know. We could have had these vermin buried alive inside the first weeks, but we had to play games with the bath-housers first.

And now we have interlopers coming into Iraq from east and west. God help those turds in Syria or Iran if we can prove it on them that they are helping al-Qaeda terrorists cross the borders. We may need to go do some laser-guided "distracting" next door.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 8:23 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
More from Brazil
Mood:  cool
Apparently, a few hours after my last posting, the Brazilian space agency suffered a huge loss with the explosion of its big satellite-carrying rocket. It was to be the first time a Latin American country had put a rocket in Earth orbit. But a prematurely ignited engine destroyed the whole launch pad, killing 21 technicians and specialists.

It's a very great shame when a great country suffers defeat on its way to something better for all mankind. But nothing is achieved without sacrifice.

I hope there are a handful of Brazilian patriots out there ---young men and women in and out of college--- who will remember the shock of these last few days and remember, when they eventually take control of their motherland, that there was always a friend for them to look to and look up to on their way to greatness. Brazil is one of those great countries who should always look to making friends with Uncle Sam.

Had de Mello lived, wouldn't Uncle Sam have pushed for him to become the next Secretary General and wouldn't we have both pushed for a Brazilian seat on the permanent Security Council of the U.N.? Of course. We're both great powers. We should expect greater support of each other.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:55 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Friday, 22 August 2003
Brazil Nuts (Or, As We Used to Call Them ---WHACK!!!)
Mood:  smelly
I read that the whole country of Brazil hates the United States now because of that suicidal sack of Muslim shit that exploded itself and the truck it rode in on outside the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad, killing the Brazilian national hero Sr. de Mello. Well, it's a very great shame that such an accomplished man died, but a lot of men died that day. A lot of American men and women have died for the sake of Iraq's future and the so-called civilized peace-loving world hates us for that, too. There is a great thing left to be done in this world, but I will not name it now. You know what it is, though. There must come a Great Winnowing. Blood will have blood. The fewer, the better.

Sleep with one eye open, Mo. If you expand this war, it will not go well for you.

You knew that a quarter of the dead in the Jerusalem bus bombing of 19 August were Americans, right?

Long Live Zion and the Jewish People. Long Live Uncle Sam and all his folks.

The Muslims' paradise has been misunderstood. Bad translation. They don't get 17 virgins. They get a handful of dates.

Ha, ha, ha. Suckers.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 10:29 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
God and His Godless Defender
Let's see: we have "In God We Trust" on all our money; when executing oaths in civil or criminal proceedings, it is typically done in God's name; we pledge allegiance to our country's flag in which God's name is typically included; and billions of people the world over regularly pray to God or some other kind of monotheistic entity. Not only all of that, but we in America don't even allow ecclesiastical properties to be subject to taxation. So, what sort of legalistic fiction are we trying to uphold when we take offense at the the public display of the Ten Commandments? It is what I said it is: a high-profile point of contention for the ACLU and its liberal supporters to take a shot at the evil fascists on the Christian Right.

Of course, these are odd times when an overwhelmingly Christian country such as ours must undermine and conceal its natural affiliations for fear of offending atheists or Buddhists or Hale-Boppists. These people, by the very fact that I can name them and that they may freely stand up and be counted as such, are not in any danger. They are who they are and are not being oppressed. If they say they are oppressed by a minute of silence in a public schoolroom, they are liars: quiet time is healthy. A moment to concentrate and breathe deeply is just healthy. If these heroes of the First Amendment claim that the display of the Ten Commandments is somehow an abrogation of their rights, they are liars: none of them can demonstrate that even an explicitly Judeo-Christian document such as the Decalogue is somehow an infringement upon their own rights to believe as they will. Give me a clear example of how making Christians surrender their rights to display the very words of their faith will somehow ennoble or advance the beliefs of atheists or Hindus or whoever. It's a fucking lot of nonsense, cooked up by people whose real purpose is to cut the gibblets out of the dominant white power structure.

I give you revolution.

I give you counter-revolution.

But you best grab your packages when these post-gendered vegan patchouli princesses and the lawyers they hire start talking about diversity and rights. They don't believe in either unless what you're doing is being sorry for being a white boy.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 8:18 PM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Thursday, 21 August 2003
To the Tens' Place
Mood:  chillin'
The ACLU and its kind have a problem with the Ten Commandments being displayed in the building where the Alabama Supreme Court meet. They've even gotten the local federal court to agree with them that the man who put it there, the Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court, is out of line. It's really a pathetic display of multiculturalism run amok. Remember: diversity of belief or class or creed or of anything else is NEVER the purpose of that crowd. If it were, then, obviously, the expressions of the majority would be permitted and included and not held out to be extremist whip-crackery.

Tell me what a non-Christian has to fear from the Ten Commandments. The First Commandment? Well, I don't believe in it, either, but the fact that it's there doesn't detract from the reality of Judeo-Christianity's influence on the laws, customs, and culture I, myself, have accepted. And the fact that I don't accept the First Commandment doesn't mean that others who do should be deprived of having it included with the others.

Civil rights activists (and common sensical citizens like me) regard the First Amendment of the Constitution to be every bit as sacred as the First Commandment. That is certainly my opinion: this is a secular society and not a theocracy. And, yet, I am so certain of the power invested in that First Amendment that I am not in any way endangered or threatened by those who wish to recall the authority that they, themselves, believe they find in the words of the First Commandment.

I say quit trying to drive Christianity out of the public sphere. You're not promoting diversity when you do so; quite obviously, you are acting to the exact contrary purpose.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 8:51 PM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Monday, 18 August 2003
The Tyranny of the Minority
Mood:  cool
Looks like our Democratic state senators are starting to cost their staffs some privileges, like parking and franking. Must be nice to run off like a bunch of pussies instead of doing your job and, in the process, leave your staffs holding the bag. I don't see any principle or bravery in what these cowards are doing. Anyone care to clue me in?


Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:56 PM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Sunday, 17 August 2003
The Doors
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: "Back Door Man" by The Doors
What a neat surprise to wake up to: A&E has something called Breakfast with the Arts and today's offering are a lot of Doors performances. What an interesting band they were. I love those old live studio performances where the audience is cool and the sound is clean. I may just have to go and dig out my old CDs. I never did own Waiting for the Sun or The Soft Parade, but I wore the hell out of their first album and L.A. Woman, if that's possible to do with a CD.

You men, eat your dinner---
Eat your pork and beans---
I eat more chicken
Any man ever seen...
Yeah.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 8:07 AM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Saturday, 16 August 2003
Gazing out the Window
Extremely bored, but only a few more hours away from a four-day weekend. My apartment has taken pretty decent shape, but there are a lot of things I can start weeding out to make even more room. It's a very large 1-1 and I'm happy about that, but not about the cost of keeping it cool. Outrageous. My walls are all covered with the evidence of my travels and tastes and interests, and I couldn't care less whether they are regarded as tacky and dorm-roomish. I can't stand bare walls. I like to be surrounded by my own aesthetic values and comforts. Ever been in a home where you were afraid to sit down or felt like you needed coasters for the soles of your shoes? Fuck a place like that.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 7:41 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Friday, 15 August 2003
Thinking about Granny
My Granny's been in the hospital for several days now, recovering from a case of double-pneumonia. She's a sweetheart. Ninety years old this past April. Actually, she's my oldest friend's grandmother, but I've known her since I was 13, so she's been officially adopted for a while now. And, besides, she never fails to tell me that she feels just like I'm one of her "youngins," anyway, so that is good to know.

I wouldn't presume to share her name with the world unless I knew it was okay with her, but her very initials would tell you something about her: E.R.T.H. As in "Mother Earth" or "salt of the earth." Granny comes from good Southern stock, with lots of English and Cherokee mingled in her. In fact, if I'm not mistaken (and how very much I would like to confirm this some day), she is descended from some Cherokee who roamed the foothills of the Smoky Mountains ---men like Pumpkin Boy, Nettle Carrier, Old Tassel, and Double Head. These were the uncles and cousins of a half-breed named Robert Benge, whose enemies (and victims) called "The Bench." It was The Bench and his men who, one cold night in the fall of 1793, murdered my great-great-great-grandfather, Robert Sharp, outside a blockhouse near Maryville, Tennessee.

And, so, I think it says something about this country and its character (and the ineffable mystery of coincidence) that the descendants of men who hunted each other down in a race of war of two centuries ago can grow to know and love each other. Granny has been a blessing in my life and I hope that she might think, in some small way, the same of me.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 10:14 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Thursday, 14 August 2003
Blackout
That blackout up in the Northeast today has certainly gotten a lot of people's attention. It is said to have been started by a lightning strike, but that didn't keep people from first thinking it was terrorism of some kind. Now, of course, the al-Qaeda cells in North America have been treated to a risk-free demonstration of what could happen if they went the way of electro-terrorism. It seems to me that the term "asymmetrical force" becomes more and more apt every time it is used. Nineteen psychopaths with box cutters and a lot of planning created a new world order. A mere handful again could wreak incredible damage with a trunkload of nerve agent or anthrax. It's disproportionate, asymmetrical. In a world where so many people depend on the smooth and uninterrupted functioning of their electricty or internet connections or transportation systems, our own society, in particular, must become more willing to use whatever tools are at our disposal to identify the people who might cause such havoc in advance of their actions against the peace and destroy them. We must use the technology available to us and find hackers who release worms into the cybersphere. And once we prove it on them that they did these deeds against the peace, they must be publicly put to sleep. Examples must be made of these pieces of shit. We can't have malicious hackers and we can't have towelheads who funnel money to terrorists through so-called Muslim charities. Our Constitution cannot be made into these savages' doormat. We cannot continue to play by the same old rules. Their executions must be made to communicate the intolerance a tolerant society must cultivate against its enemies.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:33 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
What Sucks
Mood:  irritated
Oh, by the way, the Time-Warner RoadRunner's native e-mail service sucks big green donkey dicks. That is to say, there is no respect in which their e-mail interface does not swallow giant negro porno pole. And I've been telling people to start writing me at my "austin.rr.com" address?! Uh-oh. Big mistake. First of all, it times out on you if you take longer than, like, ten seconds to write an e-mail. It doesn't tell you what's been sent, you can't scroll down all of your read (but undeleted) mail on a single screen, you can't get rid of its little secure/are you sure pop-up window at either end of the transaction, it won't stay running in the background, you can't archive stuff to your own hard drive, etc., etc. Take it from me, Gladys: Hotmail is the best e-mail account you can have. Bar none.


Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:24 PM CDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Wednesday, 13 August 2003
My Light Bill
Mood:  don't ask
I just saw the first full light bill for my current apartment yesterday and I just can't talk about it. I've been used to paying less than half of what this fucking thing came out to be and it makes me sick. And it's not like I'm hanging meat up in that mug, neither. Oh, well. We've got another month of this weather and then it will start to come down. I do love the fall. Cooler days and much cooler nights. Girls in sweaters. Wall-to-wall football. Fireplaces. Girls in sweaters. Girls in sweaters by fireplaces. Girls in sweaters---

We interrupt this blog entry with an important announcement:

Down with Austin Utilities! My light bill's more than doubled? Dammit!


Posted by Toby Petzold at 7:14 AM CDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

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