Diarytic
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: "Don't Sleep in the Subway" by Petulia Clark
Sorry I haven't posted here in a while. Even the events of an unproductive life can intervene and make blogging even less relevant than usual. But, that doesn't mean that good things don't come of staying informed and passionate about this thing or that.

Okay, so UT lost big to OU. That's no reason to call for Mack Brown's head. He's a good coach and a hell of a recruiter. We'll get ours. Vincent Young is just a freshman and we're gonna see better days. Count on it.

And how 'bout them Cowboys? They are doing surprisingly well and I am proud of them. How long has it been since I could say that?

Oh, and the evil Republicans in the Texas State Legislature finally got their way and destroyed all hopes everywhere for minority voting rights in this state. There are so many reasons to hate the fucking Texas Democratic Party that it drives me nuts. How can they be such grandstanding hypocrites and still look people in the eye?

So long, Doggett. So long, Frost. Better go learn some Spanish and some break-dancer moves if you want back in.

And the Albuquerque Assholes? They seem like such mental pygmies to me; people who could be crushed with a few minutes worth of explanation.

The biggest chumps around, of course, are those Dumbocrats who think they've got a winner in Wesley Clark. For all you idiots know, he's a GOP plant. You think that because he's a general and a Purple Heart recipient that he's going to make the country forget what losers your party is when it comes to defense? He's running a GAME on you schmucks and you don't have the wits to see it. Good luck. You could run an agitator in a washing machine with the back-and-forth of his position on the war in Iraq. He's a poser. Over and out.

See Ya, Lloyd
Mood:  surprised
If what I'm hearing is true, I must say I am shocked that Jake Pickle's old district in the Congress could be cut in half in this new redistricting scheme. I never thought it'd happen with all the high-profile socialist-pinkos living in this town, but there you are. Hmmm. Now, old Lloyd Doggett's going to have to answer to a slightly different demographic. Or, is the seat just gone? Can't wait to see what they've cooked up. All I know is that, for the first time in all the years I've lived in that district, there will at least be a chance at a competitive race. Who would've guessed?

Beat Your Bishop with Ol' Ben Sargent
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: "The Stroke" by Billy Squier
The local paper's cartoonist Ben Sargent had one of his little drawings in there yesterday featuring a kid learning about who wins elections in America. He asks the enormous-assed schoolmaster (an anthropomorphized GOP elephant) if it's the one with the most votes who wins. The Republican mascot dismisses the child's naivete as he writes "Recount, Redistrict, Recall" on the blackboard.

So, what part of this dog-flogging hippy sack of shit's cartoon ISN'T a lie?

Recount: Other than the wall-eyed and paranoiac Leftist press, no one believes that Al Gore could possibly have won any recount of the 2000 Presidential vote in Florida. The only exception to this is if everyone had suddenly adopted a completely unprecedented and monstrously unfair and illegal standard by which to conduct a recount of the undervote in a handful of Democratically-controlled counties. Do you stupid fucks even know what that means? Remember it as I do: Al Gore placed this country's political stability in jeopardy because, apparently, he believed that any ballot which had no indication of a choice for President must somehow have been a ballot cast for him! It's really as simple as that. He and his idiot enablers actually believed that they could somehow divine the intention of a voter from a blank ballot. And let us also be clear that all of that talk about minority-intimidation and ballot-box chicanery was a bunch of lies. Al Gore lost the vote in Florida because of the utter incompetence of both the typical Floridian Democratic voter and the idiots of that very same party who ran the show in those counties where the most fuck-ups were committed. You can't blame ANYBODY for that but DEMOCRATS THEMSELVES. Now, WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP LYING ABOUT HOW THE BUSH FAMILY RIGGED THE VOTE IN FLORIDA, YOU STUPID KNOW-NOTHING FUCKWADS!

Redistrict: Again, Sargent, who should spend more time studying the Constitution than hanging out in splatter-booths at local adult bookstores, should know that redistricting is a function reserved to the state legislature. The current House district map was one drawn up by a Federal judge. The one before that was drawn up by a bunch of gerrymandering-minded Democrats who came up with boundary lines that created an artificially-high number of Democrat-controlled districts. There was nothing the Republicans could do about that then, and there isn't much the Dums can do about it now. Except to whine and be pussies and run away to other states. Tough. I only wish that that Plloyd Doggett would lose his seat, but there's too many high-profiled Dums in this town to allow that.

Recall: Sargent rounds out his lies with a reference to this evening's gubernatorial recall and replacement in California. Is our local wanker unaware that California law provides for the recall of its governor? That's what the citizens of California did. Constitutionally, passionately, and righteously. That's tough shit for you, Ben. Why don't you go draw a picture of the President with a [Charlie Chaplin] moustache?

A lot of Democratic analysts and operatives today know that their base is too stupid and uneducated to realize when they are being lied to, and, so, they feel free to persist with these perversions of the truth. They wish to prey on the average dumbass' poor memory and weak grasp of History by insinuating wherever and whenever they can that the President and conservatives in general are subverting democracy and are trying to establish a Nazi regime in Washington. The methods of losers like Carville, Begala, Franken, and Streisand are beneath contempt. Real Americans ought to corn-dog them with red-hot fasces.

Hey! If you're going to be guilty of the crime, you may as well commit it!

Laundry List
Mood:  don't ask
1) Islamic Jihad prepared and equipped a Palestinian woman to strap a bomb to her own body and to dentonate it in a resturant in Haifa during the Jewish high holy days.

2) This woman, a lawyer in her 20s, killed herself and 19 others, including Arabs and Jewish infants.

3) Syria knowingly and with impunity allows Islamic Jihad to operate training camps and other infrastructure within its own borders.

4) Israel retaliates by bombing the hell out of a training camp inside Syria. They probably didn't even kill any of those monsters. A measured response.

5) Syria wants the UN to condemn Israel? Get the fuck out of here, you sorry bastards. The only mystery anymore is why Israel doesn't flatten Damascus. I hope we help them bomb the hell out of Damascus and anywhere else we can find Assad's son and the rest of those Ba'athist bastards.

What is happening in the minds of Islam today? Why are so many of its practitioners poisoned and psychotic? Must be something wrong with that religion.

The Pope Is Down on Queers Again
Mood:  cheeky
The Pope has told the Archbishop of Canterbury that permitting openly gay clergy in the Anglican Communion will harm Christian unity. This is a slap at the Episcopalian Church's new Archbishop of New Hampshire, who is openly gay. (The Church of England and the Episcopalian Church are linked through the Anglican Communion, which, I guess, is something like the full faith and credit clause of the U.S. Constitution.)

Naturally, Il Papa is right, but that's only because he is Mr. Catholicism. Of course he wants to see Christian unity, but that's not where the Christian religion is at its best. It is far more successful when no one can get along and they all do their own thang.

Why's that? Well, because a lot of Christians want women to belong in the Church ---and at every level. The women who don't want women in the Church are just saying that because the Pope says so. Those are "good Catholics." Now, go ask a Protestant woman what she thinks. She's going to tell you that women do belong in the leadership positions of the Christian faith ---and what's the matter with you? What, half of the world's population is disqualified from leading a congregation or ministering to the wretched or witnessing to the unconverted because they're female and Paul said no to that? Foolishness. Protestants accept that women have more than one role to play in their faith.

Okay, so what's another reason to want to keep Christianity splintered and disunited (besides annoying the old pollock)? Because lots of Christians see nothing sinful or wrong with homosexuals. What are these leaders of Christianity thinking when they deny their gay brothers and sisters the right to worship alongside them and to participate like anyone else? It's retarded. You want to see the true ecumenical spirit? Stop denying women and gays their rights as Christians. Accept them as they are and get healthy. Christianity would have split into its various denominations a long time ago, anyway, but the Vatican should never have turned against marriage for its priests and it should never have turned a blind eye to its many gay clergy and it should never have waited so long to acknowledge the pedophilic problems in its own house.

Remember: ecclesiastical unity may be a political strength, but it is an enemy to human liberty. Theocracies have served good purposes in human history (e.g., Ancient Israel, Puritan Massachusetts, etc.), but they have also become fascist terror-states (e.g., the Taliban in Afghanistan and the Ayatollah's Iran).

Say no to the Pope and say yes to wives for priests and to women and queers in the pulpit.

When I Stepped off the Limbaugh Bandwagon
Mood:  special
It would come as a surprise to most who might know me or judge me by the political positions I assume here ---if my audience were not limited to a half-dozen or so--- that I have never been a fan of Rush Limbaugh. The main reason is that I am an enemy to cults. The other main reason is that I hate egomania (which, I hasten to add, is distinct from egocentricity, the defining feature of my own personality ---but that's for another time). Limbaugh wallows in both his status as icon and in his self-righteousness. I have listened to him many, many times, of course, because he is such a huge influence on talk radio and because that cannot be avoided altogether. But it is unhealthy to listen to a man listening to the sound of his own voice for hour after hour, day after day. I wouldn't permit it in a preacher or a shrink or Jesus H. Christ ---and I've certainly never permitted it from someone whose politics are as doctrinaire and dogmatic as his.

Anyway, the moment I stepped off Rush Limbaugh's bandwagon came many years ago and, though I cannot tell you exactly when or where it happened, I can tell you WHY it happened: because I could not tell where the self-parody we are told he engages in left off and where his egomania took over. Down that road are tables of spiked Kool-Aid and a false prophet getting even with his entire junior high school.

A man who can't admit he's made a mistake is a nutjob and should be avoided.

By the way, Donovan McNabb is the way quarterbacks are going to work and look like in the NFL for years to come. Limbaugh's analysis was crap. The "social concern" aspect was settled years ago with Doug Williams (who took Washington to the Super Bowl) and Warren Moon: everyone knows that black men can run a squad. What the fuck? Just ask Mack Brown. He's got a second-string QB right now who's going to win UT at least one National Championship before he goes pro ---and he's just like McNabb: everybody covered? Then get out of the pocket.

Like I said the other day: Limbaugh should've attacked the NFL for its head coach hiring policy. Nobody would've batted an eye.

Keep 'Em Guessin'
Mood:  hug me
A correspondent has written to remind me of Secretary Rumsfeld's well-known penchant for planting disinformation in the major media outlets like the L.A. Times. This was in conjunction with a long, rambling story about some top-secret intelligence operation we've been cooking up to provoke the terrorists into coming out and playing where we can get at them. It all sounds very plausible. You know that old G.W. He's just as busy as anything doing it up cross-bones style.

We Don't Need No Outsiders Turnin' Our Weatherboy Straight, by God!
Mood:  mischievious
One of the local network affiliates here in Austin recently hired a preposterously attractive woman to anchor its early and late evening newscasts. She's very sweet and bubbly and good God Almighty how I'd like to ---but the point is that she is very obviously flirting with the weather man.

Now, this gentleman is one of the pillars of the local media community and is one of those people I enjoy having around when the weather turns ugly. He's a reassuring presence in times like those. He is also, in my opinion, gay. I don't know whether he's in or out, but no one I know doesn't think he's gay. It doesn't matter a whit to me, of course, but the thing of it is that this delicious young woman is just lavishing all this attention and laying compliments on him and it's the absolute best thing on television. Ha, ha! Y'all have got to check it out. She can turn him a dozen shades of red and novacaine his tongue with a glance.

Anyway, I've been laughing my ass off about it lately because I think it would be great if crusty old Texas farmer-and-wife types got in touch with her and asked, "Honey, are you tryin' to turn our weatherboy straight?" As though she were treading on some unfriendly ground with her vampish ways. I just love it. Does she not know? It's a hoot.

Leftoverture
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: "Point of Know Return" by Kansas
The anti-war Left is actually more belligerent than the average conservative might believe. They have lots of ideas and only wish that the Muddlehead from Midland would take a page from their war plans. You see, we should never have gone into Iraq because North Korea is the greater threat. North Korea has the nuke and has delivery systems and likes to sell stuff they shouldn't to other nations that also hate us. Okay. So, what's the game plan? How do you people recommend we go about disarming Kim Jong-Il? Did you want to see the thousands of American dead all at once or spread out over a week or so? Did you want Seoul flattened at the outset with nuclear bombs or ravaged conventionally over several days? Because, when it happens, it's going to be a hideous moment in the history of warfare unless we have our ways of stopping the chain reaction from inside the North. We have a lot of young American soldiers just across the DMZ from a very martially and tyrannically oriented horde of communist Koreans: it will take time to make things safer for them in the event of hostilities. And, right now, they are still very much in harm's way.

So, was that the logical lynchpin of your argument? That we should have gone to war with North Korea before Iraq because the former was the bigger threat? Oh, I see! War wasn't necessary in either case. Right. The North Koreans, as New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson likes to remind us, aren't actually as insane and bloodthirsty as they seem: all those wall-eyed threats of nuclear destruction are just their way of saying they want bilateral discussions with Uncle Sam. Diplomacy will always save the day, sing the hippy-dippy crowd of shitforbrains. Well, I still don't see any progress on that score. They're still sitting there, still starving their people, still beefing up their military and their nuclear arms program, still threatening to violently end the ceasefire that ended the Korean War a half-century ago. No sense of their being amenable to a nice chat about things, you know?

So, I want the Leftists in the front ranks this time, fighting the war we really could've gotten behind. They know so much better how to end the threats against our country. Let them make (and leave) their marks on the Korean peninsula.

Waiting for the Leftists' Lies
Now Playing: "Listen to What the Man Says" by Wings
Just wait for the headlines and the lead stories on the TV: David Kay says we can't find any WMD in Iraq. Which means that the Leftists and the anti-American press can hoot and crow about what warmongering liars the Bush Administration are. But, as with everything else, their understanding and portrayal of the facts will be seriously and maliciously wrong.

First, what Kay gave the Congress today was an interim report. And there is much more to come. I guarantee that. Anyone who thinks will guarantee that. Kay and our military and intelligence services have already found plenty to condemn Saddam and his regime to the roles of genocidal liars. The circumstantial evidence is overwhelming: dual-use facilities and equipment ready for conversion to outlawed toxins and chemicals within days; systematic destruction of WMD-specific records; testimony by scientists who secreted these weaponizable substances in their own homes and who were actively engaged in the potential manufacture of and high-level preparations for using mustard gas, botulo-toxins, and wacked-out sounding viruses.

The Left will say that they were right all along, but they're not telling the whole story.

Ripped Limb from Limbaugh
Mood:  d'oh
Man, what a ton of bricks has landed on Rush Limbaugh! No sooner did he quit ESPN for his gratuitous remarks on black QBs than the entire world's media comes after him for being a pain-killer junkie. Dang! That can't be a coincidence, can it? Do you know how much fodder those two events in such quick succession are going to give him to work with? It'll keep him busy for months! He's going to be spinning the wheel of paranoia until he makes himself the center of all plots everywhere. Hmm.

His remarks about Donovan McNabb were dumb, frankly. Yes, it's taken a while to see blacks routinely playing quarterback in the NFL, but they start for close to a third of the clubs now, so no one really thinks anything of it. And, of course, the most dominant players at all positions in the NFL are now black and no one points that out.

If, however, Limbaugh had gone and criticized the NFL's head coaching policies, then I daresay everyone (except for some on the lunatic fringe of the "civil rights" movement) would have supported him. You know what that's all about, right? The NFL will fine you big time if you are a team owner who does not at least interview a black applicant when hiring for the head coaching position. Isn't that absurd? You have to pretend to be considering a black man for the position, even though it could be well known (and to that black man himself) that you already have someone else in mind. What nonsense! Limbaugh would have done well to have attacked that aspect of NFL policy.

As for this pain-killer thang, I just don't know what to say except that someone must have let slip the dogs of war from all the network kennels at once. What a mess. Must be that vast left-wing conspiracy at work again.

General Clark Is a Poser
Mood:  lazy
That world-famous general Wesley Clark was in Austin today where he basically admitted to his audience of dozens that he has been a Democrat for about a month, give or take a week or two. Ha, ha! What a joke! Look at how far the Democratic Party has slipped. They allow garbage like Al Sharpton and Carol Moseley-Braun to go around on the debate circuit with the others and pretend that they aren't pieces of garbage, but real candidates. Why would that be allowed to happen? Because the DNC is afraid of antagonizing blacks. Not that they would EVER lose ANY black votes to Bush, but the pretense of equal opportunity has to be persisted with.

Then, they embrace Howard Dean, who is nothing but a Bush-bashing Northeastern liberal. Not a chance he'll actually catch on with swing and centrist voters, so the next big thing is to draft Wesley Clark into running for the White House. But they don't know anything about him! What a stupid thing to do! They're so ready to get rid of that dumbass cowboy from Texas that they'll vote for a guy who may or amy not actually be a Democrat. Oh, but he was a war hero! And Clinton's general in NATO's war on Milosevic. Who cares? Just goes to show what a load of gristleheads we're working with.

A Porn Star or Avery Schreiber
Mood:  cheeky
I'm growing moustaches, which is one of my favorite plural nouns. That is to ask, would one grow a moustache and mean that only one-half of his lip was covered with whiskers? Does one wear a pant or just his pants? Oh, yes. DO send in any others you might think of. A very pleasantly overcast and calm day. And I am bored.

About That Fascist Hummer Ad
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: "Happy Jack" by The Who and for the right reasons
I really hate that new Hummer ad with the emotionally disturbed little boy working on his soap box derby vehicle to the tune of the Who's "Happy Jack." For one thing, the kid genuinely looks and acts disturbed. And the message for all of the prick-bastards who wish to own a Humvee is that you should do whatever it takes to win and to break the spirit of the law and to impose your will on the world. It's the most fascist TV commercial I've seen since Calvin Klein's Obsession ads.

And for another thing, I love "Happy Jack" and I think the use it's being put to in this ad just sucks.

Heh, heh. Furry donkeys.

A Red Sox Fan or Big Schreiber
Mood:  cheeky
I'm growing moustaches, which is one of my favorite plural nouns. That is to ask, would one grow a moustache and mean that only one-half of his lip was covered with whiskers? Does one wear a pant or just his pants? Oh, yes. DO send in any others you might think of. A very pleasantly overcast and calm day. And I am bored.

Update: How did I manage to post this twice? Oh, well. So long as I'm here, I may as well relate a story that I attempted to post here a few days ago, but failed to. I went into a Usenet group the other day to drop off some chum and advertise this weblog. A few replies came back the next day. For some reason, some people only got a clear green screen. I don't know why. Maybe it's an HTML problem that I am too unsavvy to know how to address. Others said that they stopped reading my blog because they were offended at my use of the F-word (also known among grown-ups and other non-puritanical types as the word fuck).

Well, it's unfortunate that people can't deal with certain words. My own mother, although she might deny it, refuses to read this blog, either. I know, of course, the exact reason why this is, but won't say (except to note that Big Brother must be a Red Sox fan).

In a Soulless Cavern, Microphoned
Mood:  chillin'
I thought the President did well yesterday at the United Nations. He did well to bring up so many of the humanitarian issues that civilized people everywhere (even the French) can address together. Which does what? It shows that we are a moral nation and a force for good ---in case that got forgotten by some of these degenerate ingrates over the past 90 years or so.

Of course, the best thing to happen for our detractors in and on Iraq is that foreign investment and ownership there will be made unusually open. But to have a chance at that new (and potentially very rich) market, countries like France and Germany are going to have to help with security issues there. Schroeder already knows that he has to start playing ball again with the United States (even if that lousy little commie-terrorist Fischer does not). And if Germany starts to change its tune, France cannot afford to further isolate itself.

See how things can change when when one is faced with a fait accompli, no?

Leticia van de Puta
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: "Come and Get It" by Badfinger
I didn't hear her address as it was given this past weekend, but I just read the text of Texas State Senator Leticia van de Putte's (D-San Antonio) response to the President and it's pretty much everything I suspected it would be: ignorant of history, hysterical, and full of race-mongering chickenshit.

La Puta compared the fines that she and her now-oh-so-famous colleagues in the Albuquerque Eleven now face in the state senate to poll taxes! What is she talking about?! The analogy is particularly inept since none of those fucking cowards voted at all. In fact, they did the opposite of going to the polls (also known as doing their fucking jobs as representatives of their various districts) by evading Texas law enforcement and the responsibilities they promised to meet and running off to New Mexico.

La Puta also charged that the "white" Republican Party is trying to overthrow democracy in Texas and throughout the country, in part by means of essentially re-introducing Jim Crow laws. What an outrageous bag of shit you are, lady! You don't know anything about history or what segregation is. (Anyone know how old this cretin is? She can't be more than about 40. What does she know about living through Jim Crow and poll taxes? The problem is that for most of her life, the Democratic Party ruled this state and, now that that evil Republican Party is in charge, she doesn't like it. Tough.)

Enough with the egocentric and Napoleonic nonsense, you 15 minutes of shame. No one here needs you to defend democracy from those "white" Republicans. No one needs your hysterical and utterly wrong lessons in history. Your problem is that Republicans are in control of this state and wish to exercise that power by redrawing the district maps in a way that will favor them. It's not a shocking power-grab; it's a normal part of the cycle of power moving from left to right and back again. Some day, Saynatore Puta, there will be enough legal or naturalized non-whites in your district (who actually understand the importance of voting) that you can win San Antonio regardless of where the district lines cross. But, for now, the MAJORITY of Texans want a district map drawn up by the people they elected to do that job and not by some federal judge.

An Anciently Ugly Courtroom
Mood:  smelly
Sitting here watching Lawrence Tribe unsuccessfully stanch the flow of bullshit issuing from his money-maker. Basically, the ACLU wishes to void the constitution of the State of California by falsely and frivolously claiming that the gubernatorial recall election will be illegal if the voters in the biggest minority communities there aren't allowed to replace their punch-card balloting system with a more accurate technology. This could not be a more pathetic argument. This could not be a more partisan argument. The Left and its more prominent shysters are simply reliving their humiliation during the 2000 Presidential election. Almost three years have passed since that election and y'all have apparently done nothing about the balloting system in those communities. Nobody griped about the punch-card ballots when Gray Davis won the governorship in 2002. So, what the hell? You have no argument. You just want to leave the governorship in Democratic hands. You may get that yet if no one says anything else about the racist Meican nationalist organization the Lt. Governor belongs to. Oh? What's that? You're saying that a Democrat can belong to a racist organization with impunity? Man! That doesn't sound right.

The United Nations as Tool of the Anti-Semite
Mood:  don't ask
Right. Keep Arafat alive and martyrific by explicitly forbidding Israel from putting him down or locking him away. What other nation gets such good and specific advice from the UN? Did they get together and pass a resolution telling Charles Taylor of Liberia to leave by such and such a date? Oh? Maybe they did. I wasn't watching. But who was the hammer inside that velvet glove? It couldn't have been Uncle Sam, could it? The UN will stand back in silence and watch hundreds of thousands of innocents be slaughtered, but when it comes to saving the life of a terrorist like Arafat, they get some balls. It's a joke.

Turd Kennedy
It may have just been the liquor talking, but Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy has accused the President of manufacturing out of whole cloth the casus belli for the Iraqi War. Says that it's something that was cooked up in Texas and foisted on the American people and the world.

There aren't enough hours in a day to sufficiently condemn Chappaquiddick Ted for his own very real lapses in judgement and for his defense of everything that smacks of the welfare state. He is the product of a criminal and ill-gotten family fortune that has paved over, paid off, and hushed up every mistake he's ever made. Ted Kennedy is a cheat, a cheater, a drunk, and almost certainly responsible for the negligent homicide of one of his older brother's groupie-secretaries. He has been advanced in his political career solely on the basis of his name and money. To assuage whatever feelings of guilt he might actually have from a lifetime of unearned privilege, he has made it a point to champion the cause of every wall-eyed leftist kook who ever came down the pike and to attack the policies and character of real Americans.

The war in Iraq is not a fraud, senator. You are. Not that you can see anything beyond the bottom of a pint-glass, but the sacrifices being made right now are for a higher purpose than you can imagine. The Muslim would force us and the world into a New Dark Age if he could. His hatred and ignorance and extreme violence are clear for all the world to see. If we can go where he lives and impose a new order upon him, we will come that much closer to guaranteeing that his violence will not be visited upon our own soil. It is a race against time and the defeatism of apologizers like you, Kennedy: we must introduce and encourage new trends in Iraq (and Afghanistan, too) that will undermine the old fascist ideology. We must undermine the terrorist culture wherever we find it in the Muslim world: in Palestinian-controlled Israel, in Saudi Arabia, itself, in Syria, Kashmir, or anywhere else. We are in a war between civilizations. You say the American people want answers? Well, there's their answer: we are at war to defend our way of life.