Keep 'Em Guessin'
Mood:  hug me
A correspondent has written to remind me of Secretary Rumsfeld's well-known penchant for planting disinformation in the major media outlets like the L.A. Times. This was in conjunction with a long, rambling story about some top-secret intelligence operation we've been cooking up to provoke the terrorists into coming out and playing where we can get at them. It all sounds very plausible. You know that old G.W. He's just as busy as anything doing it up cross-bones style.

We Don't Need No Outsiders Turnin' Our Weatherboy Straight, by God!
Mood:  mischievious
One of the local network affiliates here in Austin recently hired a preposterously attractive woman to anchor its early and late evening newscasts. She's very sweet and bubbly and good God Almighty how I'd like to ---but the point is that she is very obviously flirting with the weather man.

Now, this gentleman is one of the pillars of the local media community and is one of those people I enjoy having around when the weather turns ugly. He's a reassuring presence in times like those. He is also, in my opinion, gay. I don't know whether he's in or out, but no one I know doesn't think he's gay. It doesn't matter a whit to me, of course, but the thing of it is that this delicious young woman is just lavishing all this attention and laying compliments on him and it's the absolute best thing on television. Ha, ha! Y'all have got to check it out. She can turn him a dozen shades of red and novacaine his tongue with a glance.

Anyway, I've been laughing my ass off about it lately because I think it would be great if crusty old Texas farmer-and-wife types got in touch with her and asked, "Honey, are you tryin' to turn our weatherboy straight?" As though she were treading on some unfriendly ground with her vampish ways. I just love it. Does she not know? It's a hoot.

Leftoverture
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: "Point of Know Return" by Kansas
The anti-war Left is actually more belligerent than the average conservative might believe. They have lots of ideas and only wish that the Muddlehead from Midland would take a page from their war plans. You see, we should never have gone into Iraq because North Korea is the greater threat. North Korea has the nuke and has delivery systems and likes to sell stuff they shouldn't to other nations that also hate us. Okay. So, what's the game plan? How do you people recommend we go about disarming Kim Jong-Il? Did you want to see the thousands of American dead all at once or spread out over a week or so? Did you want Seoul flattened at the outset with nuclear bombs or ravaged conventionally over several days? Because, when it happens, it's going to be a hideous moment in the history of warfare unless we have our ways of stopping the chain reaction from inside the North. We have a lot of young American soldiers just across the DMZ from a very martially and tyrannically oriented horde of communist Koreans: it will take time to make things safer for them in the event of hostilities. And, right now, they are still very much in harm's way.

So, was that the logical lynchpin of your argument? That we should have gone to war with North Korea before Iraq because the former was the bigger threat? Oh, I see! War wasn't necessary in either case. Right. The North Koreans, as New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson likes to remind us, aren't actually as insane and bloodthirsty as they seem: all those wall-eyed threats of nuclear destruction are just their way of saying they want bilateral discussions with Uncle Sam. Diplomacy will always save the day, sing the hippy-dippy crowd of shitforbrains. Well, I still don't see any progress on that score. They're still sitting there, still starving their people, still beefing up their military and their nuclear arms program, still threatening to violently end the ceasefire that ended the Korean War a half-century ago. No sense of their being amenable to a nice chat about things, you know?

So, I want the Leftists in the front ranks this time, fighting the war we really could've gotten behind. They know so much better how to end the threats against our country. Let them make (and leave) their marks on the Korean peninsula.

Waiting for the Leftists' Lies
Now Playing: "Listen to What the Man Says" by Wings
Just wait for the headlines and the lead stories on the TV: David Kay says we can't find any WMD in Iraq. Which means that the Leftists and the anti-American press can hoot and crow about what warmongering liars the Bush Administration are. But, as with everything else, their understanding and portrayal of the facts will be seriously and maliciously wrong.

First, what Kay gave the Congress today was an interim report. And there is much more to come. I guarantee that. Anyone who thinks will guarantee that. Kay and our military and intelligence services have already found plenty to condemn Saddam and his regime to the roles of genocidal liars. The circumstantial evidence is overwhelming: dual-use facilities and equipment ready for conversion to outlawed toxins and chemicals within days; systematic destruction of WMD-specific records; testimony by scientists who secreted these weaponizable substances in their own homes and who were actively engaged in the potential manufacture of and high-level preparations for using mustard gas, botulo-toxins, and wacked-out sounding viruses.

The Left will say that they were right all along, but they're not telling the whole story.

Ripped Limb from Limbaugh
Mood:  d'oh
Man, what a ton of bricks has landed on Rush Limbaugh! No sooner did he quit ESPN for his gratuitous remarks on black QBs than the entire world's media comes after him for being a pain-killer junkie. Dang! That can't be a coincidence, can it? Do you know how much fodder those two events in such quick succession are going to give him to work with? It'll keep him busy for months! He's going to be spinning the wheel of paranoia until he makes himself the center of all plots everywhere. Hmm.

His remarks about Donovan McNabb were dumb, frankly. Yes, it's taken a while to see blacks routinely playing quarterback in the NFL, but they start for close to a third of the clubs now, so no one really thinks anything of it. And, of course, the most dominant players at all positions in the NFL are now black and no one points that out.

If, however, Limbaugh had gone and criticized the NFL's head coaching policies, then I daresay everyone (except for some on the lunatic fringe of the "civil rights" movement) would have supported him. You know what that's all about, right? The NFL will fine you big time if you are a team owner who does not at least interview a black applicant when hiring for the head coaching position. Isn't that absurd? You have to pretend to be considering a black man for the position, even though it could be well known (and to that black man himself) that you already have someone else in mind. What nonsense! Limbaugh would have done well to have attacked that aspect of NFL policy.

As for this pain-killer thang, I just don't know what to say except that someone must have let slip the dogs of war from all the network kennels at once. What a mess. Must be that vast left-wing conspiracy at work again.

General Clark Is a Poser
Mood:  lazy
That world-famous general Wesley Clark was in Austin today where he basically admitted to his audience of dozens that he has been a Democrat for about a month, give or take a week or two. Ha, ha! What a joke! Look at how far the Democratic Party has slipped. They allow garbage like Al Sharpton and Carol Moseley-Braun to go around on the debate circuit with the others and pretend that they aren't pieces of garbage, but real candidates. Why would that be allowed to happen? Because the DNC is afraid of antagonizing blacks. Not that they would EVER lose ANY black votes to Bush, but the pretense of equal opportunity has to be persisted with.

Then, they embrace Howard Dean, who is nothing but a Bush-bashing Northeastern liberal. Not a chance he'll actually catch on with swing and centrist voters, so the next big thing is to draft Wesley Clark into running for the White House. But they don't know anything about him! What a stupid thing to do! They're so ready to get rid of that dumbass cowboy from Texas that they'll vote for a guy who may or amy not actually be a Democrat. Oh, but he was a war hero! And Clinton's general in NATO's war on Milosevic. Who cares? Just goes to show what a load of gristleheads we're working with.

A Porn Star or Avery Schreiber
Mood:  cheeky
I'm growing moustaches, which is one of my favorite plural nouns. That is to ask, would one grow a moustache and mean that only one-half of his lip was covered with whiskers? Does one wear a pant or just his pants? Oh, yes. DO send in any others you might think of. A very pleasantly overcast and calm day. And I am bored.

About That Fascist Hummer Ad
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: "Happy Jack" by The Who and for the right reasons
I really hate that new Hummer ad with the emotionally disturbed little boy working on his soap box derby vehicle to the tune of the Who's "Happy Jack." For one thing, the kid genuinely looks and acts disturbed. And the message for all of the prick-bastards who wish to own a Humvee is that you should do whatever it takes to win and to break the spirit of the law and to impose your will on the world. It's the most fascist TV commercial I've seen since Calvin Klein's Obsession ads.

And for another thing, I love "Happy Jack" and I think the use it's being put to in this ad just sucks.

Heh, heh. Furry donkeys.

A Red Sox Fan or Big Schreiber
Mood:  cheeky
I'm growing moustaches, which is one of my favorite plural nouns. That is to ask, would one grow a moustache and mean that only one-half of his lip was covered with whiskers? Does one wear a pant or just his pants? Oh, yes. DO send in any others you might think of. A very pleasantly overcast and calm day. And I am bored.

Update: How did I manage to post this twice? Oh, well. So long as I'm here, I may as well relate a story that I attempted to post here a few days ago, but failed to. I went into a Usenet group the other day to drop off some chum and advertise this weblog. A few replies came back the next day. For some reason, some people only got a clear green screen. I don't know why. Maybe it's an HTML problem that I am too unsavvy to know how to address. Others said that they stopped reading my blog because they were offended at my use of the F-word (also known among grown-ups and other non-puritanical types as the word fuck).

Well, it's unfortunate that people can't deal with certain words. My own mother, although she might deny it, refuses to read this blog, either. I know, of course, the exact reason why this is, but won't say (except to note that Big Brother must be a Red Sox fan).

In a Soulless Cavern, Microphoned
Mood:  chillin'
I thought the President did well yesterday at the United Nations. He did well to bring up so many of the humanitarian issues that civilized people everywhere (even the French) can address together. Which does what? It shows that we are a moral nation and a force for good ---in case that got forgotten by some of these degenerate ingrates over the past 90 years or so.

Of course, the best thing to happen for our detractors in and on Iraq is that foreign investment and ownership there will be made unusually open. But to have a chance at that new (and potentially very rich) market, countries like France and Germany are going to have to help with security issues there. Schroeder already knows that he has to start playing ball again with the United States (even if that lousy little commie-terrorist Fischer does not). And if Germany starts to change its tune, France cannot afford to further isolate itself.

See how things can change when when one is faced with a fait accompli, no?

Leticia van de Puta
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: "Come and Get It" by Badfinger
I didn't hear her address as it was given this past weekend, but I just read the text of Texas State Senator Leticia van de Putte's (D-San Antonio) response to the President and it's pretty much everything I suspected it would be: ignorant of history, hysterical, and full of race-mongering chickenshit.

La Puta compared the fines that she and her now-oh-so-famous colleagues in the Albuquerque Eleven now face in the state senate to poll taxes! What is she talking about?! The analogy is particularly inept since none of those fucking cowards voted at all. In fact, they did the opposite of going to the polls (also known as doing their fucking jobs as representatives of their various districts) by evading Texas law enforcement and the responsibilities they promised to meet and running off to New Mexico.

La Puta also charged that the "white" Republican Party is trying to overthrow democracy in Texas and throughout the country, in part by means of essentially re-introducing Jim Crow laws. What an outrageous bag of shit you are, lady! You don't know anything about history or what segregation is. (Anyone know how old this cretin is? She can't be more than about 40. What does she know about living through Jim Crow and poll taxes? The problem is that for most of her life, the Democratic Party ruled this state and, now that that evil Republican Party is in charge, she doesn't like it. Tough.)

Enough with the egocentric and Napoleonic nonsense, you 15 minutes of shame. No one here needs you to defend democracy from those "white" Republicans. No one needs your hysterical and utterly wrong lessons in history. Your problem is that Republicans are in control of this state and wish to exercise that power by redrawing the district maps in a way that will favor them. It's not a shocking power-grab; it's a normal part of the cycle of power moving from left to right and back again. Some day, Saynatore Puta, there will be enough legal or naturalized non-whites in your district (who actually understand the importance of voting) that you can win San Antonio regardless of where the district lines cross. But, for now, the MAJORITY of Texans want a district map drawn up by the people they elected to do that job and not by some federal judge.

An Anciently Ugly Courtroom
Mood:  smelly
Sitting here watching Lawrence Tribe unsuccessfully stanch the flow of bullshit issuing from his money-maker. Basically, the ACLU wishes to void the constitution of the State of California by falsely and frivolously claiming that the gubernatorial recall election will be illegal if the voters in the biggest minority communities there aren't allowed to replace their punch-card balloting system with a more accurate technology. This could not be a more pathetic argument. This could not be a more partisan argument. The Left and its more prominent shysters are simply reliving their humiliation during the 2000 Presidential election. Almost three years have passed since that election and y'all have apparently done nothing about the balloting system in those communities. Nobody griped about the punch-card ballots when Gray Davis won the governorship in 2002. So, what the hell? You have no argument. You just want to leave the governorship in Democratic hands. You may get that yet if no one says anything else about the racist Meican nationalist organization the Lt. Governor belongs to. Oh? What's that? You're saying that a Democrat can belong to a racist organization with impunity? Man! That doesn't sound right.

The United Nations as Tool of the Anti-Semite
Mood:  don't ask
Right. Keep Arafat alive and martyrific by explicitly forbidding Israel from putting him down or locking him away. What other nation gets such good and specific advice from the UN? Did they get together and pass a resolution telling Charles Taylor of Liberia to leave by such and such a date? Oh? Maybe they did. I wasn't watching. But who was the hammer inside that velvet glove? It couldn't have been Uncle Sam, could it? The UN will stand back in silence and watch hundreds of thousands of innocents be slaughtered, but when it comes to saving the life of a terrorist like Arafat, they get some balls. It's a joke.

Turd Kennedy
It may have just been the liquor talking, but Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy has accused the President of manufacturing out of whole cloth the casus belli for the Iraqi War. Says that it's something that was cooked up in Texas and foisted on the American people and the world.

There aren't enough hours in a day to sufficiently condemn Chappaquiddick Ted for his own very real lapses in judgement and for his defense of everything that smacks of the welfare state. He is the product of a criminal and ill-gotten family fortune that has paved over, paid off, and hushed up every mistake he's ever made. Ted Kennedy is a cheat, a cheater, a drunk, and almost certainly responsible for the negligent homicide of one of his older brother's groupie-secretaries. He has been advanced in his political career solely on the basis of his name and money. To assuage whatever feelings of guilt he might actually have from a lifetime of unearned privilege, he has made it a point to champion the cause of every wall-eyed leftist kook who ever came down the pike and to attack the policies and character of real Americans.

The war in Iraq is not a fraud, senator. You are. Not that you can see anything beyond the bottom of a pint-glass, but the sacrifices being made right now are for a higher purpose than you can imagine. The Muslim would force us and the world into a New Dark Age if he could. His hatred and ignorance and extreme violence are clear for all the world to see. If we can go where he lives and impose a new order upon him, we will come that much closer to guaranteeing that his violence will not be visited upon our own soil. It is a race against time and the defeatism of apologizers like you, Kennedy: we must introduce and encourage new trends in Iraq (and Afghanistan, too) that will undermine the old fascist ideology. We must undermine the terrorist culture wherever we find it in the Muslim world: in Palestinian-controlled Israel, in Saudi Arabia, itself, in Syria, Kashmir, or anywhere else. We are in a war between civilizations. You say the American people want answers? Well, there's their answer: we are at war to defend our way of life.

Barrientos to Dewhurst: "Let's Get It On!"
Mood:  party time!
Did I read that quote in yesterday's Statesman correctly? Did Gonzalo Barrientos actually challenge the Lt. Governor to a fight if he (the drunken driver) was not released from his parking ban? Well, get fucked, you derelict dickhead. You absconded from this state so as to avoid performing the duties to which you were elected. Personal privilege this. You lousy little Senate-floor rally-leaders think this little episode is going to be forgotten, but, like the bumper sticker says, payback's a bitch.

Governor Dewhurst: deduct the 57K from their pensions. Just think of how many bar tabs Gonzalo could have paid with that!

Why Don't They?
I'm sure the Israelis will catch nine kinds of hell for it, but they will, sooner or later, have to be done with Arafat. They can't pack him off to Tunisia or wherever it was he went before because that would just give him a huge and open venue to vent his garbage and be an exiled hero. They can't imprison him in Israel because any trial leading up to such an imprisonment would provide him with an official forum to rail against Israel in its own court system. The only real choice is to kill him. Target him for death by bombing his compound flat. Obviously, the whole place will go up. Arafat's al-Aqsa Brigades, as well as Hamas and Islamic Jihad and any other terrorist organization around, will use his death as cover for violence. But so will the IDF and Massad. Every debt will get paid in full. I hope Sharon and his people are planning this out thoroughly. They've got to be ready for the backlash. But, once it comes, the situation there will be advanced immeasurably.

All I'm Saying
Look, all I'm saying is don't be surprised if Hillary announces her candidacy for the Presidency before Thanksgiving (that's the absolute deadline for this theory-fear). She is definitely circling the boat and eyeing the danglers. She's watching the reaction to her spouse out in California and it's telling her that the Clinton name still sells it. The liberal base would absolutely jizz over her if she signed on. She makes Wesley Clark her veep and they capitalize on the anti-Bush hatred consuming the Democratic Party. Bustamante takes the governorship of California and the Left is energized. They will congratulate themselves for beating back the Republican Party's efforts at undermining democracy in Multicultural America. They and the media will continue to harp on every single setback we suffer in Iraq and, with the economy improving too slowly and fitfully to be appreciated, Bush is an easy target to be overthrown.

If Hillary doesn't go now, the sheen will start to come off her name and the economic cycle will have turned in the GOP's favor by 2008. By 2012, she will be too old. Watch out. The shock of her about-face would make Schwarzenegger's announcement on Leno look like a clumsy access channel harrangue.

Don't doubt this stuff, man. The Democrats want to avenge 2000 more than the average conservative might want to believe. The very prospect of a Hillary Administration would be like red meat and Viagra sandwiches for the entire electorate. It would be the biggest percentage voter turnout since 1912.

Clear on That
President Bush just said that he does not believe that Saddam had any direct role in the events of 11 September 2001. For some reason, a large percentage of the American people have had it in their heads that Saddam did have something to do with it. I don't know why, either. Of course, that served the Administration's purposes just fine, but it's good now that the President has dismissed the idea. He did, however, concur with the Vice President that Saddam had ties to al-Qaeda, such as the guy who ordered the murder of that American diplomat in Amman, I think it was. Saddam also had ties with that bunch of shit up in northern Iraq, Ansr al-Islam or however that group spells its name. They're a bunch of murderers with both al-Qaeda and Iranian ties. And all of them need to be buried in glass.

Compton Caucasian
Had a look at the wad of phlegm that murdered the Williams Sisters' eldest sister there in Compton. Looks like a big white guy, which is not what I expected. Some sort of equal opportunity gang banger shooting, I guess. It's a shame. Doesn't change my view of South Central, though.

The Times and the Man
Something else about Bill Clinton: he was President during a time when the internet and high tech took off in an unprecedented trajectory. The mania of overspeculation in the stock market and the boom in ready capital was very similar to that of the 1920s, another period of great prosperity that eventually went bust, just as we, to a much more limited degree, have experienced in our own time.

Americans then, too, had a charming but morally weak president on their hands in the person of Warren G. Harding. His own father thanked God his son hadn't been born a girl for fear that "she" would have been "in the family way" early and often. Only premature death rescued Harding from personal disgrace. His successor, Calvin Coolidge, was a colorless and morose CEO of the United States, Inc. "The business of America is business," he said, and they all rode high on credit and played the margins. High tech had everyone's attention in those days, too: radio, the talkies, big cars, and Kodak cameras. But the economy that made them eventually collapsed as it rarely had before. The Great Depression had begun.

Now, who did this fall on? Who was blamed for the disaster that seized America? A very decent and self-made man; an extremely bright engineer whose interest in public service made him one of our country's most beloved representatives in Europe ---where he was credited with keeping that war-ravaged continent from starvation. Today, of course, people associate Herbert Hoover's name with black-hearted Republican callousness, but there was nothing he could have done to stop the awful wheel of economics from rolling over everyone. The Federal Government simply wasn't equipped to rescue the working man from destitution; those mechanisms hadn't been instituted yet. And, frankly, some movements are beyond our control ---and we deserve neither blame nor credit when they go right or wrong.

So, just as Hoover didn't cause the Great Depression, Clinton was not the moving force behind the American economic boom of the last half of the 1990s. If the times hadn't been as good during his watch, more people than might be realized now would have agreed that Clinton's poor character was deserving of punishment. But folks were fat and happy and it seemed like bad taste and low style to fault such a powerful man for his pecadilloes. And, so, the feminists turned their heads and bit their tongues and abided in him what they wouldn't have in a Republican president. That's a fact in your Library of Congress, jackson. The double-standard is out and blowing in the wind.

Anyway, what is happening now is that people blame Bush for the hard economic times, but that is plainly wrong. The seeds of this economy's downfall were sewn well before the President entered the White House. Maybe people want to forget that and charge Bush with all sorts of sins, but that is also wrong. Bush is showing us that the times DO make the man and that anyone who strives to overcome his own faults deserves our praise, not our censure. What a tremendous burden the President bears these days! He is laying a foundation for peace in the Middle East and people attack him for everything they can think of. The times make the man. These people are just angry that Clinton can't rise to the occasion as Bush has.