17 Apr, 06 > 23 Apr, 06
10 Apr, 06 > 16 Apr, 06
3 Apr, 06 > 9 Apr, 06
27 Mar, 06 > 2 Apr, 06
20 Mar, 06 > 26 Mar, 06
13 Mar, 06 > 19 Mar, 06
6 Mar, 06 > 12 Mar, 06
27 Feb, 06 > 5 Mar, 06
20 Feb, 06 > 26 Feb, 06
13 Feb, 06 > 19 Feb, 06
6 Feb, 06 > 12 Feb, 06
30 Jan, 06 > 5 Feb, 06
23 Jan, 06 > 29 Jan, 06
16 Jan, 06 > 22 Jan, 06
9 Jan, 06 > 15 Jan, 06
2 Jan, 06 > 8 Jan, 06
26 Dec, 05 > 1 Jan, 06
19 Dec, 05 > 25 Dec, 05
12 Dec, 05 > 18 Dec, 05
5 Dec, 05 > 11 Dec, 05
28 Nov, 05 > 4 Dec, 05
21 Nov, 05 > 27 Nov, 05
14 Nov, 05 > 20 Nov, 05
7 Nov, 05 > 13 Nov, 05
31 Oct, 05 > 6 Nov, 05
24 Oct, 05 > 30 Oct, 05
17 Oct, 05 > 23 Oct, 05
10 Oct, 05 > 16 Oct, 05
3 Oct, 05 > 9 Oct, 05
26 Sep, 05 > 2 Oct, 05
19 Sep, 05 > 25 Sep, 05
12 Sep, 05 > 18 Sep, 05
5 Sep, 05 > 11 Sep, 05
29 Aug, 05 > 4 Sep, 05
22 Aug, 05 > 28 Aug, 05
15 Aug, 05 > 21 Aug, 05
8 Aug, 05 > 14 Aug, 05
1 Aug, 05 > 7 Aug, 05
25 Jul, 05 > 31 Jul, 05
18 Jul, 05 > 24 Jul, 05
11 Jul, 05 > 17 Jul, 05
4 Jul, 05 > 10 Jul, 05
27 Jun, 05 > 3 Jul, 05
20 Jun, 05 > 26 Jun, 05
13 Jun, 05 > 19 Jun, 05
6 Jun, 05 > 12 Jun, 05
30 May, 05 > 5 Jun, 05
23 May, 05 > 29 May, 05
16 May, 05 > 22 May, 05
9 May, 05 > 15 May, 05
2 May, 05 > 8 May, 05
25 Apr, 05 > 1 May, 05
18 Apr, 05 > 24 Apr, 05
11 Apr, 05 > 17 Apr, 05
4 Apr, 05 > 10 Apr, 05
28 Mar, 05 > 3 Apr, 05
21 Mar, 05 > 27 Mar, 05
14 Mar, 05 > 20 Mar, 05
7 Mar, 05 > 13 Mar, 05
28 Feb, 05 > 6 Mar, 05
21 Feb, 05 > 27 Feb, 05
14 Feb, 05 > 20 Feb, 05
7 Feb, 05 > 13 Feb, 05
31 Jan, 05 > 6 Feb, 05
24 Jan, 05 > 30 Jan, 05
17 Jan, 05 > 23 Jan, 05
10 Jan, 05 > 16 Jan, 05
3 Jan, 05 > 9 Jan, 05
27 Dec, 04 > 2 Jan, 05
20 Dec, 04 > 26 Dec, 04
13 Dec, 04 > 19 Dec, 04
6 Dec, 04 > 12 Dec, 04
29 Nov, 04 > 5 Dec, 04
22 Nov, 04 > 28 Nov, 04
15 Nov, 04 > 21 Nov, 04
8 Nov, 04 > 14 Nov, 04
1 Nov, 04 > 7 Nov, 04
25 Oct, 04 > 31 Oct, 04
18 Oct, 04 > 24 Oct, 04
11 Oct, 04 > 17 Oct, 04
4 Oct, 04 > 10 Oct, 04
27 Sep, 04 > 3 Oct, 04
20 Sep, 04 > 26 Sep, 04
13 Sep, 04 > 19 Sep, 04
6 Sep, 04 > 12 Sep, 04
30 Aug, 04 > 5 Sep, 04
23 Aug, 04 > 29 Aug, 04
16 Aug, 04 > 22 Aug, 04
9 Aug, 04 > 15 Aug, 04
2 Aug, 04 > 8 Aug, 04
26 Jul, 04 > 1 Aug, 04
19 Jul, 04 > 25 Jul, 04
12 Jul, 04 > 18 Jul, 04
5 Jul, 04 > 11 Jul, 04
28 Jun, 04 > 4 Jul, 04
21 Jun, 04 > 27 Jun, 04
14 Jun, 04 > 20 Jun, 04
7 Jun, 04 > 13 Jun, 04
31 May, 04 > 6 Jun, 04
24 May, 04 > 30 May, 04
17 May, 04 > 23 May, 04
10 May, 04 > 16 May, 04
3 May, 04 > 9 May, 04
26 Apr, 04 > 2 May, 04
19 Apr, 04 > 25 Apr, 04
12 Apr, 04 > 18 Apr, 04
5 Apr, 04 > 11 Apr, 04
29 Mar, 04 > 4 Apr, 04
22 Mar, 04 > 28 Mar, 04
15 Mar, 04 > 21 Mar, 04
8 Mar, 04 > 14 Mar, 04
1 Mar, 04 > 7 Mar, 04
23 Feb, 04 > 29 Feb, 04
16 Feb, 04 > 22 Feb, 04
9 Feb, 04 > 15 Feb, 04
2 Feb, 04 > 8 Feb, 04
26 Jan, 04 > 1 Feb, 04
19 Jan, 04 > 25 Jan, 04
12 Jan, 04 > 18 Jan, 04
5 Jan, 04 > 11 Jan, 04
29 Dec, 03 > 4 Jan, 04
22 Dec, 03 > 28 Dec, 03
15 Dec, 03 > 21 Dec, 03
8 Dec, 03 > 14 Dec, 03
1 Dec, 03 > 7 Dec, 03
24 Nov, 03 > 30 Nov, 03
17 Nov, 03 > 23 Nov, 03
10 Nov, 03 > 16 Nov, 03
27 Oct, 03 > 2 Nov, 03
20 Oct, 03 > 26 Oct, 03
13 Oct, 03 > 19 Oct, 03
6 Oct, 03 > 12 Oct, 03
29 Sep, 03 > 5 Oct, 03
22 Sep, 03 > 28 Sep, 03
15 Sep, 03 > 21 Sep, 03
8 Sep, 03 > 14 Sep, 03
1 Sep, 03 > 7 Sep, 03
25 Aug, 03 > 31 Aug, 03
18 Aug, 03 > 24 Aug, 03
11 Aug, 03 > 17 Aug, 03
4 Aug, 03 > 10 Aug, 03
28 Jul, 03 > 3 Aug, 03
21 Jul, 03 > 27 Jul, 03
14 Jul, 03 > 20 Jul, 03
7 Jul, 03 > 13 Jul, 03
30 Jun, 03 > 6 Jul, 03
23 Jun, 03 > 29 Jun, 03
16 Jun, 03 > 22 Jun, 03
9 Jun, 03 > 15 Jun, 03
2 Jun, 03 > 8 Jun, 03
26 May, 03 > 1 Jun, 03
19 May, 03 > 25 May, 03
12 May, 03 > 18 May, 03
5 May, 03 > 11 May, 03
28 Apr, 03 > 4 May, 03
21 Apr, 03 > 27 Apr, 03
Better Living through Science
Jet Propulsion Laboratory
The Loyal Opposition
The Left Coaster
Deep Blade
Moonbattery Park
Saturday, 13 December 2003
Saddam and Atta?
Do you recall that, just before Uncle Sam unloaded on Saddam Hussein, one of the biggest sacks of shit ever to emerge from the Palestinian terrorist movement, Abu Nidal, was murdered in his home in Baghdad? Did you ever consider why the one event preceded the other so closely? Could it be that Saddam permitted Mohammad Atta, the so-called leader of the hi-jackers of 11 September, access to Nidal?

That's what the UK's Telegraph is reporting tonight. The governing council in Iraq has found some documentation of just such an arrangement. If it holds up, that will supply the proof that Saddam had links to al-Qaeda in the weeks and months before the attacks.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:09 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Oh, Yeaaahhhhh
Mood:  a-ok
That lady in the ads on the TV is making me want to go and lock horns and beat up interlopers and pound on my chest and hoot and holler. Man, is she fines!

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:03 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Then Let Me Put It This Way
Mood:  don't ask
"Of whom much is given, much is expected."

Certain human beings achieve such a high degree of celebrity and fame and fortune that they each become a law unto themselves. But, in return for that status (and I am a firm believer in this), they make themselves into sacrificial lambs. That's the deal. In exchange for being worshipped, cock-sucked, slack-cut, and pawed over, they ought to be made to stand tall before the man and be burned alive, if necessary. That is to say, there is something of a natural law at work, for a price must be paid for being venerated and enriched beyond one's moral capacity by millions of strangers.

Certain human beings. A small number in any generation or culture. Elevated above the rest and observant of no rule but their own. Stand there and command what you may. Exploit it and live it out, baby. Make every dream a reality because you can.

But offend me and stink in my nostrils and I will want nothing but death from you. I will smash you like a graven image. I won't even piss on your rotten corpse for all I think of you. If you even try to make excuses or cry uncle or open your wallet, I swear I will think of ever more cruel and outrageous means to the end of your life. I will applaud your demise like a bad-ass drum solo well delivered.

All moral lepers be damned. No more freaks and fuck-ups. Don't bitch when the candle that burned twice as bright burned half as long. That's the deal. A small number of human beings in any given generation. Take it like a man or whatever the fuck you are: thou owest Nature a death.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:35 PM CST | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Thanks for the Correction, Deepblade
I've been making that mistake forever. Big-time collegiate football is Division I-A, not just "Division I." Smaller, less well-funded programs belong to Division I-AA. I'll have to educate myself as to the criteria that distinguish between the two, but the most important thing is this: if smaller divisions can get it together and have a play-off system, why can't the pre-professional and pre-eminent division of them all have it? Are these asshole university presidents and athletic directors concerned about the graduation rates or the negative impact on exam scores for these young men? No one believes that. No one believes that it would present any kind of financial or logistical or scheduling burden at all. No one believes that a fair and fortunate system of rotating bowls can't be worked out.

To hell with it. Before long, I will be kicking back in a recliner, watching the first round of the Division I-A college football play-offs. These unimaginative losers who run today's major universities are dinosaurs standing in the way of progress.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:04 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Friday, 12 December 2003
A Mother's Advice
I've been experiencing a very painful situation the past several days in the area of the greatest sensitivity possible, but had not advised my mother of this until it came up in conversation this evening.

So, now, she is full of advice about how this situation needs to be handled. Of course, everything she suggests is basically what I've already done, but she wants to tell me this stuff anyway, as though I were incapable of figuring it out for myself.

Anyhow, she's a hoot. Nothing like taking medical advice from a Christian Scientist.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:54 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
The Media's Gone Nuts, Clearly
Mood:  loud
What on Earth has possessed the national and local media to rant and rave like this about getting vaccinated against the flu? Every news outlet has gone absolute ape shit about it and it's FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE! STOP ALARMING THE PUBLIC for Christ's sake!

You've got dumbasses standing in half-mile-long lines (and in freezing weather, no less) for the chance at what? A vaccine that has about 75 percent effectiveness? A vaccine that won't protect you or your squirmy little runt if you happen to catch one of the strains of flu that that shot doesn't protect against. What are these dopes thinking of? If you catch the flu, ride it out and get some good anti-bodies built up in your system so that you can help your immune system help itself. Quit trying to short-circuit Nature and take your lumps! If you survive, you're way ahead of the dopes who keep getting innoculated and who never build up a natural resistance to anything.

So, go home and ignore these asshole anchors and "experts" who are trying to get you all riled up. If I were a paranoiac, I'd almost believe that this concerted effort to terrorize the public was some kind of a Government test to gauge public response levels.

So, quit eating the G's cheese, bitch!

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:35 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Thursday, 11 December 2003
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Nothing at all: just silence
Am I wrong to want to see Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston dead? Why does anyone care about them at all? They're a pair of flaky drug addicts who need the attention of a prurient media to maintain their interest in life and in each other. But I just want them to die. I want the next thing I hear about them to be that Bobby has pummeled that warbling skeezer-cumjar to death and has gone on a high-speed flight from the police, ending in his violent death when he plows into a lightpole.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:16 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Great. They're monkeying with the blog-building interface again. I wish they'd leave it the hell alone. I don't know why they're doing it. The worst of it is the comments sections, which now are all showing zero response. Oh, well...

Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:07 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Tuesday, 9 December 2003
A Vote of No Confidence?
They say Al Gore is going to endorse Howard Dean's candidacy today, but why is that? Shouldn't that be taken as a rejection of his old partner, the other half of Sore-Loserman 2000, who is still in the hunt? That is to ask, why was Lieberman worthy of the highest considerations in 2000 and not now?

It may just be some practical political math. Lieberman is just too far to the center-right to get the kids hot for him; there's not enough difference between him and the dumbass cowboy-thief in the White House to make him attractive.

But Dean? He throws 'em red meat on cue, baby! He'll even publicly entertain and countenance the suggestion that Bush had foreknowledge of September 11th and permitted New York City and Washington, D.C. to be grievously damaged. He's anti-war and a real rolled-up sleeves tough guy (maybe short on the facts sometimes, but what a rabble-rouser!).

So Dean can energize the base because he's the anti-Bush (so far as we know). The sooner he can take the lead against the other losers and put it away, the faster the DNC can back him and make him a real choice. But, no matter how much the Dumbocrats love this guy, he ain't gonna do nothing in the South come next November. He won't win a single state south of the Line, nor will he win anything in the Midwest.

Smart traitors like Gore (yep, he's still a traitor to his country, so far as I'm concerned) know what Dean's chances are, of course, and so they know that, come 2008, the pendulum may have swung far enough back to the Left that Hillary might make that her time to shine. That is to say, no one's going to beat George W. Bush in 2004 and, so, they may as well throw Dean in with the red meat.

Anyway, I want to hear how Gore rationalizes not backing his old partner. And what will old Joe say? Hmmm...

Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:51 AM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
This past weekend, for the first time in probably 15 years or more, I was able to purchase a copy of Playboy magazine at a 7-11. The reason why this matters is because the Southland Corporation (which may or may not still own 7-11) famously succumbed years ago to the political pressure of such great divines as Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority to stop all sales of pornographic magazines in their stores. (Apparently, there was no such pressure to stop the sale of tobacco or alcohol or other shit that does actual harm to our society.)

These days, of course, the magazine racks at 7-11 are absolutely alive with the bare skin of hundreds of well-oiled and air-brushed sluts and celebrities, so what possible difference can it still make to ban Playboy? After all, that magazine is probably the least pornographic thing on any rack it rests upon.

I know this because the copy I bought was their 50th anniversary issue. And, Jesus, what a bore! Eight bucks for yet another helping of Hugh Hefner's retarded tastes? He has absolutely retreated into a vanilla fantasy world where every woman should have blonde hair and fake tits. Whatever happened to real and beautiful women? Or, even brunettes? I have paid as little attention to Playboy as possible in the past five or six years because Hefner has no fucking taste!

Compare the 25th Anniversary Playmate Candy Loving to the 50th Anniversary Playmate (whose name I can't recall and for good reason). Candy was a full-figured, dark-haired woman of great beauty. She had a face to remember. And she was as natural as God's bounty. What's this newest girl all about? Very blonde hair, a dime-a-dozen face, and a 34C chest. What the hell? What a thoroughly boring choice for the 50th Anniversary! You'd think they could've come up with a woman on a level with their best, but no. We have to suffer more of Hefner's stunted ideals. More of the same old shots of famous celebrities from the dim past, like Ursula Andress or Joan Collins. More self-congratulatory crap about the "Playboy Philosophy" or retrospectives of Nagel or Neiman or some other aesthetic grotesquerie. Hef's stuff is desiccated and dead. And that's why Playboy is no longer relevant.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 2:47 AM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Taking the C out of the BCS
Mood:  irritated
The joke and judgement expressed in the title of this entry has been made so many times in the media the past few days (and years) that I didn't want to be left out. Yes, indeed, the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) is an enormous, fraudulent loaf of bovinity that casts discredit on Division I-A collegiate football.

Essentially, computers are used to select the two teams that will play for the national championship. These computer rankings, I found out today while listening to the nauseatingly self-important Jim Rhome on the radio, expressly exclude the final rankings of the coaches' poll and the AP sportswriters' poll. In other words, there's no real reason to even poll the coaches or sportswriters at any point in the season since their rankings are ignored by the BCS computers. What kind of fiction is that to abide? It's a laugh.

Why is the most important and profitable Division I-A collegiate sport in America denied the right to settle its national championships in a play-off system? Name me any other sport at any level of collegiate athletics that is as corrupt and fucked up as Division I-A football. You can't because there isn't any. And, yet, people abide this bullshit because, I guess, they don't want to offend or challenge the authority of the big school athletic directors or the conference chairmen. Why? Are these men a part of some super-secret cult of Templars and magicians? Can't they be made to implement a play-off system where the national football championship is earned outright by playing for it?! What the fuck?! This can't be a novel idea, you know.

Used to be that the big-time bowls were hosted by the conference champions and there was a strong relationship between the two. But that hasn't been the case in years. Here in Texas, there ain't no more Southwestern Conference and the Cotton Bowl now belongs by name to whichever oil company is riding highest. Yes, the SWC used to host the Cotton Bowl, but no more.

Some decrepit old geriatrics whose opinion no longer matters believe that the bowl system is just great because even lesser teams get to go somewhere and earn a little revenue for the school. It's like a big end-of-the-year vacation for the team. They can feel good about themselves or whatever the reasoning is. I don't know. It's a lot of crap, frankly.

Wherever there's corruption, though, they say follow the money. And that's the real answer to why big-time college football is so dirty. These AD's and conference big-shots figure they can keep the bowl system under their thumbs and be the ones to make 2 or 3 million off of the big bowls. But these myopic shitheads are cutting their own throats. For one thing, those purses get spread around to all of the schools in any given conference. And, if you have a bad-assed team playing in a second-tier bowl, you're not making dick ---not for your own school or the conference. Some of the pay-outs in the minor bowls are pathetic. Hardly worth chartering the plane.

So what do bad-assed teams do? They settle for whatever rank some goddamned computer gives them. Isn't that wrong? Don't you know those boys would like to show the country what they've got? We got us a team here in Austin (you've heard of the Longhorns, right?) and they could probably kick a lot of ass if only they were afforded the opportunity to show they can. But they're getting packed off to some lame-assed bowl in San Diego a few days before Christmas. They may get a fair viewership and they'll get their little pay-out (maybe a million or so?), but it goes nowhere. Their season isn't compensated with the knowledge they've won the Poulan Weedeater Bowl. Who gives a damn?

But! But! If the powers that be would pull their collective heads out of their communal ass and recognize just how much greater bowl revenue could be under a play-off system, they might just be made to go for it. They should have long ago. Nobody watches the little bowls except for the wankers that attend them, some alumni, and the die-hard college football fan who's hard up for some action while the wife's out buying Christmas gifts. There's no TV ad revenue worth anything with those bowls.

But consider a Division I-A college football play-off system where every single bowl counted for something! The TV ad revenue would be pouring in! Let's put together a 16-team field of the nation's best and let the boys play for it! Rotate the rounds among the different venues every season. Fine, let these sportswriters and computers seed the field ---and then get the hell out of the way! It's undemocratic to let computers pick the best. It's elitist, the fix-is-in bullshit and the fans need to rise up and denounce the way things are being run.

Consider this: Oklahoma got their asses beat this past weekend by Kansas State. It wasn't a squeaker or anything like it; it was an ass-kicking. So, who gets to play for the National Championship? Oklahoma. Why? Because big-time college football is run by an oligarchy of asshole-politicians. It's time to demand a change.

Standardize the length of the college football season to 11 or 12 games, institute a 16-team play-off system seeded by the infrastructure now in place, and let the boys play. The best programs are already at a professional level, so an extra four games maximum to determine the true champion is no problem at all. No more frustration, folks. Write your old schools. Tell your senators and congressmen. We shouldn't have to live with such an unfair system anymore.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 2:09 AM CST | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Updated: Saturday, 13 December 2003 4:45 PM CST
Saturday, 6 December 2003
Lying, Seditious Bastards
Mood:  don't ask
All nine of the "major" candidates for the Democratic Party's presidential nomination are participating in a big klavern in Florida today. The common theme? That the current President masterminded and pulled off some great electoral scam, thereby stealing the White House.

It isn't possible to describe how much this pisses me off. These sorry fucks are a lot of lying, seditious bastards who are ignorant of the historical truth (willfully or otherwise), but cynical enough to know that their party's base consists of enough conspiracists, idiots, and assholes to make the so-called theft of the state's electoral votes in 2000 a worthwhile rallying point. No matter what side you're on, this kind of sick manipulation of the truth is a dangerous and demagogic trick to be playing.

Here's what the best and brightest of the Democratic Party explicitly and publicly believe: George W. Bush is an illegitimate President. He colluded with his brother (and their family and friends) to steal the election in Florida by means of police intimidation, ballot box stuffing and destroying, and the bribery of state officials and judges. None of this is true, of course, but these liberal craphounds are happy to repeat it at every turn and to spread the sedition in this belief everywhere they go. It's irresponsible. They have no evidence of any such crimes; they just have their grievances and delusions.

I even hear that Howard Dean recently suggested that he might give credence to the lie that the Saudis had warned Bush that September 11th was coming! What on Earth? This ill-informed fuck is the Democratic Party's frontrunner? Pathetic.

I can't wait for these people to be exposed as the losers and liars they are. Eleven months is a long time, but it'll be SO sweet. They're going to lose Florida, the Congress, the White House, and their dignity. And I will be laughing big horse's ass laughs in the face of these Dumbocrats, especially Terry McAuliffe. Man, I'd love to find out where he'll be Election Night and be there so that I can get right up in his lying face and say: "You lose again, asshole! Four more years of George W. Bush and, this time, they're gonna HAVE to fire you!"

Ha, ha, ha....

Posted by Toby Petzold at 9:53 PM CST | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
The Luck of the Irish
Mood:  celebratory
I'm pleased to note that Notre Dame has just turned in its third losing season in the last five, something they've never done before.

Here's to unearned privilege, fixed favoritism, and the National Broadcasting Company lovin' all over my big, fat joint. Better luck next year, you cockbites.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:47 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Friday, 5 December 2003
Get the Fuck out of Here!!!
Mood:  on fire
Did you hear some of the questions the media were asking Scott McClellan the other day about the President's now famous Thanksgiving flight into Baghdad? These dickheads (among which, much to my disappointment, was the impossibly angelic Norah O'Donnell) were asking him if the President had any qualms about having false flight plans submitted and whether his deceits about his true whereabouts that holiday weekend had eroded the public's trust in him.
This isn't a joke. This is CBS and NBC and the Los Angeles Times asking some of the most absolutely chickenshitted and petty-hearted questions ever conceived. When is this country's media going to grow up and realize that a certain degree of secrecy and misdirection is a prudent practice when it involves the President's security? They think that the Freedom of Information Act is a real-time mandate, apparently.

What little, whiny-assed turds the liberal media are! As though the American public's mind would be less fixed on and fascinated by the fact that the President went all the way to Iraq to show his appreciation for our troops than it would be on whether the proper flight plan was submitted. I mean, shit! You can't write nonsense like that!

Be advised: the national media are going to do everything they can in the next 11 months to promote the Democratic Party's candidate and to undermine the President. Don't doubt it and don't ignore it. Watch it and watch out.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 10:38 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Wednesday, 3 December 2003
350-Lb. Negro on Horse Tranquilizers: Film @ 11
Mood:  hug me
Despite the media's desire to abet and accomodate the race-baiters in the black community, the case of that big black guy flipping out in Cincinnati is open and shut. Too bad, Jesse: your latest Rosa Parks was a fucking right tackle-sized mass of angel dusted violence. Those cops did everything right and nothing you say is going to change it. Fair is fair. Maybe the blacks in Cincy know they've got no casus belli and are laying low. I'd be surprised if they can maintain that level of self-restraint, but may be. Just watch the video for your self. That guy was on dope. That guy wasn't going to see his next birthday, anyway. See how many liberal anti-cop activists you can find who'd like to take on that big old buck. He would've given them a memorable lesson on the influence of PCP on the human mind and body ---his and theirs.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:57 AM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Wednesday, 26 November 2003
Stereotypes in Transition
Mood:  irritated
Used to be that the disproportionate share of vehicles broken down in traffic belonged to Mexicans. But, no more. Now, young Mexican laborers live ten to fifteen per apartment, making their monthly rent out to be about $40 per guy. So, what do they do with all that extra money (besides send it back home)? That's right: they each buy these enormous, brand new pick-up trucks. Check it out: go through the poorest, most Hispanic neighborhoods in your town and you will see some of the biggest and baddest pick-ups in town parked outside the most ramshackle lean-tos ever conceived. No matter that these people have to sleep and fuck in shifts and have no sense of domestic dignity: at least they have giant vehicles to publicly demonstrate their shit driving skills. All I can ask is that Paco stop loaning out his Chevy to his three foot-five girlfriend Imelda: she can't even see over the fucking dashboard. Give her a cell phone and you can just forget about safety.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:35 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Saturday, 22 November 2003
Taking a Bath with the Turks
Mood:  celebratory
Inevitably, I must gloat in the face of the average spineless Turk who protested to his government not to let the United States talk them into going to war in Iraq and who now presumes to compare what al-Qaeda has done in Istanbul this past week to the events of 11 September 2001. It makes me laugh. If you sorry bastards had helped us at the start of the war, it is all but certain that we would not be having a fraction of the trouble we now do with the insurgents in and around the Sunni Triangle. Remember all of the men and materiel we had in position and which you made us (for the most part) remove to another part of the theater before we could begin the liberation? Well, these bombings are a small repayment (made through the auspices of a common enemy, you goddamned cowards) for your spinelessness. When you pressured your parliament into withdrawing its cooperation, that was quite an act of grassroots democracy in action, no doubt. It was all enough to bring a tear to the eye of the Great Autonomizer. But learn your lesson well, fezhead: THOSE WACKED-OUT TOWELHEADS WANT A PIECE OF YOUR ASS, TOO. Get it? YOU DIDN'T BUY YOURSELF ANY SAFETY! YOU LET THE WAHABBO-FASCIST SONS OF BITCHES KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO FIGHT BACK! Get it? When the whole world saw that all you filthy bastards wanted was to extort money out of Uncle Sam, they knew they had a big ripe ass to stick it to. Enjoy digging yourselves out of the rubble, you Constantinipples. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Posted by Toby Petzold at 6:22 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Saturday, 22 November 2003 6:25 PM CST
Friday, 21 November 2003
Down on Our Knee
Mood:  cool
They say law-making and sausage-making are the two things a person should least want to see, but let us add a third: hero-making in East Austin by the NAACP. It's a pretty disgusting sight. In the past year, a couple of pieces of garbage (a mentally ill woman living on the government teat named Sophia King and a young hoodlum with multiple assault and theft charges already on his tab named Jessie Owens) have been shot to death by officers of the Austin Police Department.

In both cases, the death was of great benefit to the community. King had been a violent water buffalo for many years and had the reputation to prove it. She had a knife out and was threatening to kill her apartment manager. However proper such an impulse might be in certain cases, King was just being a cracked-brained sack of violent crap. When she pushed her threats too far, one of our cops shot her dead. Good. This officer even got an award later on, although not [necessarily] for doing what he did in this instance.

The other case I wrote about two weeks ago. Owens was in a stolen car when he was dispatched to Hell. Why does that not mean something? I WANT cops to kill dumbasses who steal people's cars. Why NOT? The fewer of their kind, the better. YOU KNOW THIS IS TRUE. There have been times in my life when I was desperately broke and, yet, it would never have OCCURRED to me to go and steal a man's car. Why don't liberal assholes who preach about socioeconomic inequality and systemic racism and the pipe dream of rehabilitation ever just consider the facts? Think about it: when you go and break into someone's house or car, you HAVE to know how WRONG that is; how FUCKED up that is to go and take from someone else! And why would you do that in the first place? Because you lack the character and will to hold down a job of your own to make the money to buy the things you NEED (crack cocaine NOT being one of them).

And, so, organizations like the NAACP find themselves in the happy position of defending garbage like Owens and King. Why? Are they serious? Is it possible that they believe these people were shot to death because they were black and NOT BECAUSE THEY WERE BEING VIOLENT PIECES OF SHIT? Why doesn't the black community know the diference between the two? They say the cops operate differently in East Austin than they do west of the Interstate. No foolin'? Could that be because a disproportionate amount of the crime committed in this city is committed IN East Austin? Get a clue, Nelson Linder! Don't EVEN front like those people are worth a damn. Even if you don't show it, you KNOW better.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 10:31 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
More Perversion
Mood:  incredulous
Michael Jackson is a disgusting faggot ---a moral leper and physical freak who should be put to sleep. It's not that I care so much about the 12 year-old who says Jackson molested him (because I absolutely don't); it's that there is now an opportunity to bury this turd in the litterbox of American jurisprudence. He MUST be made an example.

The only thing approaching Jackson's moral turpitude is the parent who would permit her child to spend time alone with that disgusting faggot at his ranch. These people are goddamned vermin for exposing their prepubescent sons to Jackson's desires. What the fuck do they expect? They should all be charged with child endangerment.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 1:32 PM CST | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Mood:  don't ask
Want a sense of how perverted the anti-war/anti-American/anti-Semitic/anti-Bush Left has become? When terrorists bomb a British consulate and bank in Turkey, British protesters blame Bush because he's on a state visit to their government. Right. And, uh, HOW ABOUT BLAMING THE FUCKING TERRORISTS WHO ACTUALLY DID THE BOMBING, YOU STUPID PIECES OF SHIT?!?!

Posted by Toby Petzold at 12:57 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink

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