To Counter a Charge of Mental Illness, I Cleverly Employ a Child's Taunt and Some Android Noises
Mood:  suave
Some guy on a Usenet group took a rather fragrant and self-righteous piece of prose from this site and posted it in the former location with a claim that I am mentally ill.

Why, it's like music to me ears!

Come again, sirrah.

A Tip for Gen. Clark
Say, Wesley, if you're going to send Jamie Rubin out to deliver five-minute revisions of each of your many, many dumbassed remarks, you could at least supply him with some fishnet stockings and a purseful of lipstick.

XL
Mood:  happy
Today is my brother Jimmy's 40th birthday, a milestone I can hardly believe. He is a good and loyal man who has helped me in more times of need than I can recall. Jim, in fact, has always been there for all of his family. And God help you if you are on his shit list.

I love you, Jim. Your success means more to me than anyone else's I know.

Michael Powell Is a Dope
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Some George Carlin
Michael Powell, the chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, is wanting to stamp out obscenities on our radios and televisions by increasing the fines for such breaches of decorum by something like a thousand percent. Powell figures that he can financially penalize the companies that own these stations and channels into stopping the filth.

But let's get serious, please. It's not the F-word or any other so-called verbal "obscenity" that is coarsening this culture; rather, it is the unending parade of immoral bullshit that passes for broadcast entertainment and news which is really to blame. And, of course, nobody can stop that. Reality TV, soap operas, hip-hop videos, Peter Jennings, et al: These are the true culprits.

Here's my own personal canary in the coalmine moment: Maybe two years ago, I happened to be channel-surfing one evening (rarity of rarities!) when I came across NBC's Fear Factor, which is the content equivalent of a short subject at a snuff-film film house. If I remember correctly, there was a guy and girl standing there before a large glass container of brackish liquid and what appeared to be some sort of sausages floating about therein.

But, no, my friend: they weren't sausages ---they were lengths of pig rectums! I mean, Jesus! And what has to happen now for the girl to have a shot at the cash? She's gotta eat as many as she can. Thankfully, the guy advised her on the best method, which is to manipulate the uncooked ass-hose so as to excrete as much as possible of the liquid in which it had been floating before sucking it down.

I mean: THIS WAS ON THE NATIONAL FUCKING BROADCAST COMPANY!!! In prime time (which makes it so much worse)!

As I recall, Michael, they didn't cuss. They just ate pig rectums for money. On TV. My TV, jackson!

Fix that shit before you come looking to extort money from people trying to legitimately express themselves, you meddling nepotist.

More Fodder for My Contempt
Mood:  incredulous
And how 'bout this? How about a 22 year-old Muslim girl with two kids who says that, as much as she loves them, her desire to waste Zionists is even greater? And so, a couple days ago, she goes and explodes a bomb attached to her body and kills four Israeli soldiers and injures some others.

And the Pope has the balls to call America a culture of death? How about the Palestinians, Papa? You've got young mothers killing themselves and others for admission to paradise? Murderers who have deluded themselves into believing that they are justified in killing other human beings because they are Jews? What the fuck is going on here?

Oh, and in a humorous sidelight, the asshole from Hamas that was in charge of preparing this stupid little girl for her meeting with Allah reportedly admitted that he was uncomfortable with training a woman ---not because he was sending this young, brainwashed veil-head to commit murder, but because of the impropriety of a woman training under a bunch of men!!! Huh?! You couldn't write this fucking nonsense if you tried.

And these are the kind of people who deserve a sovereign state of their own? Am I to understand that Leftist assholes are all queer for Palestinian statehood but can't imagine how the Dumbass Cowboy from Crawford holds out hope for democracy in Iraq?

Don't try to reason with these people. Just step on them before they spawn some more of their own.

State of the Union
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: "Kill 'Em All" by Metallica (the whole thing and real loud)
Yesterday, the President of the United States made a quiet, solemn visit to the tomb of Martin Luther King, Jr. to lay a wreath and say a prayer. It is altogether fitting that our nation's leader should have done this out of respect for the most important figure in 20th Century America's civil rights movement, especially on what would have been Dr. King's 75th birthday.

Across the street, hundreds of worthless assholes were jeering and heckling the President. The disrespect was pathological in its depravity and every one of those filthy animals should be ashamed of themselves.

Today, Michael Jackson, a disgusting plastic scarecrow who has been charged with multiple counts of child molestation was the happy object of the adulation of thousands of supporters outside the courthouse where he was arraigned for his crimes. It was a moment of the most odious sort of idol worship imaginable. And an outrageous contrast with the dignity and respect demonstrated by our President.

NEVER doubt WHY I hate the great majority of human beings. NEVER deny the righteousness of my judgement when I declare that most people are not the equals of the dirt in the tread of my soles. In the war of all against all, I have reckoned rightly and stand firmly on the side of moral man.

The rest of you can go get fucked.

Glasgow off the Hook
Mood:  a-ok
Just heard that the negligent homicide charge against Austin police officer Scott Glasgow has been dropped. Why was it brought in the first place? To placate Nelson Linder and Sterling Lands and the rest of East Austin? (East Austin is code for the negro community.) Probably. But it was, as Sipowicz might say, a clean shoot.

Glasgow had tried to apprehend a young punk (unfortunately named Jessie Owens) who was behind the wheel of a stolen car and high on crack or whatever when the guy decided to take off and possibly drag Glasgow to death. But Glasgow unloaded his piece into Owens and killed him, probably saving his own life.

Yeah, Glasgow screwed up on the stop and has had multiple policy violations and accidents, but you don't charge a cop with negligent homicide when he's trying to nab a piece of shit like Owens. The guy was in a stolen car, high on drugs, had a long list of violent felonies, and was trying to use that car to kill a cop. Fuck him.

And now it's time for Glasgow to either undergo intensive retraining or find another job.

Rain
Mood:  happy
It's finally raining here in Austin! I love the very sound and sight and smell of it. But, here in a half-hour or so, the local news broadcasts will be on. I swear on a stack I'll rip into any of those whiners who even comes close to bitching about our good fortune! Got that, Rutherford?!

A Funny Development
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: "I Don't Know" by Naked Raygun
I just read that Al Gore is going to deliver a speech in New York City later today on the threat of global warming. The only interesting thing about this is that today is supposed to be the coldest day in that city in a decade.

Gore's advisers are advising him to sit this one out, but he is, reportedly, determined to make his case.

I'm sure there will be no end to the fun conservatives will have over this emblematic moment, which is fine since Gore is a commie flake.

But, in the grand scheme of things, I find conservatives' skepticism about global warming and ozone depletion and air quality, in general, to be incredibly irresponsible. Until our colonization of the Solar System begins (and, surely, even after), we have no choice but to live here on Earth and possibly suffer the consequences of our neglect of our atmosphere (which, in the grander scheme of things, is a mighty thin skin that keeps us alive and protected against the radiation of outer space). It is stupid to deny that climatic changes and measurable ozone depletion and the abundant evidence of global pollution are the wild claims of the Greens and the Left.

The only responsible choice is to live and act as though global warming were a fact because Mother Earth has no reset button. We can't afford to be wrong about these issues and, therefore, it is essential that we err (if that's what it is) on the side of caution.

If Theodore Roosevelt were here today, he'd be slapping around these particular punks on the Right until they wised up.

A Picture I Stole off the Internet

21st Century Fox
Why do liberals and self-styled moderates have such a beef with the Fox News Channel? Are they in the thrall of some delusion that certain other broadcast and cable outlets are more balanced or objective? The most common quip a Dumbocrat can make is some vague dismissal of FNC as a legitimate source for journalism. But it's all crap.

Fox News has been beating CNN and MSNBC in the ratings game for probably two years now. Which means that Fox is more popular and ideologically acceptable than the others. (Sorry to burden you with the capitalist view of things.) If it weren't, it would be lagging behind. (Of course, all three of the aforementioned networks still have pretty puny viewership compared to the Big Three broadcast news organizations, but that's changing by the day, thanks in large part to FNC's influence.)

In any event, the notion of non-ideological and purely objective news reporting is an unattainable and untenable thing. It's some sort of an ideal that we are probably taught at some point early on in our intellectual development, but it has no real value in a society which actually has (contrary to the claims of lunatics and assholes) a free press along with a market-driven media. That is to say (and how much easier it is to say now on the Internet!), you can find out pretty much anything you want and hear any kind of opinion you want if you are willing to seek it out. Because if you're getting your news and forming your beliefs on the basis of what Peter Jennings and Katie Couric have to say, then, you need to be rounded up and gassed, anyway.

Don't be a dope is what I'm saying. All of the major media outlets (TV, newspaper, magazines, the Internet, etc.) are biased and ideologically driven mouthpieces. I don't mind because I keep that in mind.

As for FNC, they make at least as much of an effort as any other organization to bring you, as they say, "fair and balanced" reporting. Don't like the fact that they do a little cheerleading? Tough. This is an American news channel (run by an Americophile Aussie); do you expect a lot of pro-towelhead sentiment? Think Bill O'Reilly's an asshole? So do I, mostly. But he's got balls. And he'll even give a liberal his or her props if they stand up enough to him. Think Sean Hannity's an asshole? Yeah. So do I. Always. But, no news channel is perfect.

The bottom line is that FNC doesn't avoid reporting on issues that negatively impact conservatives and they don't muzzle liberals who have a point to make. Compare them to CNN. Those bastards won't even use the word foreigner they're so sophisticated.

Canned Heat
The backlash against Paul O'Neill for dumping on GWB is pretty interesting. I suppose there may be something to the timing of the release of his tell-all (to coincide with the countdown to the Iowa caucuses and the general anti-Bush sentiment among the Dumbs), but, regardless, he isn't getting the play he expected. So, what are O'Neill's charges?

1) O'Neill saw no evidence of WMD in Iraq; thus, no justification for the war. Who cares what the Secretary of the Treasury thinks of intelligence reports of WMD in Iraq? Is that somehow a strike against the possibility? Remember: there's no doubt that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. The only question is where and when he disposed of them. Why doesn't the Leftist media acknowledge that? Why can't they understand that war aims evolve with changes in circumstances?

2) O'Neill claims that Bush was on the war path for Iraq long before 11 September, maybe as early on as the first few days of his administration. So what? Regime change in Iraq had been the official policy of the United States Government for five years when we went in. That precedes the current Administration, which was the only one that acted on that policy. Now that we're there, some very important things have happened in the Middle East and Southwest Asia that will lead to a more peaceful situation. That, or a more permanent solution.

Also, it's no exaggeration to point out that the attacks on 11 September may not have happened had Clinton and his people not swept al-Qaeda's aggressions against us under the rug. Every passing day makes that judgement all the more damning.

3) O'Neill says that Bush is detached and incurious and whatever else that suggests he's a dumbass cowboy. I'm sure O'Neill had Bono in stitches with anecdotes of Bush's ineptitude while they were on safari, but there's more ways to understanding than O'Neill knows. Is micromangerialism a virtue at Alcoa? Who cares what O'Neill's opinion of Bush is? Ronald Reagan was a successful president who knew enough about his own limitations and inclinations to hire people who could do a great job at his behest. FDR is also said to have been a delegator who enjoyed pitting cabinet officers against each other to arrive at some more refined answers.

O'Neill's an asshole for dumping on Bush right now. If he's trying to curry favor with the moderates and the Dumbocrats, he should have left well enough alone, especially if it turns out that he was waving classified documents around where he shouldn't have. I'm sure we'll find out.

Correction
Mood:  a-ok
The incredibly lovely Maria Celeste Arraras is, in fact, a Puerto Rican ---and not a Mexican, as I assumed.

Therefore, I am now for Puerto Rican statehood.

Still waiting for Arrarasvision.

A Pro-Immigrant Argument
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: "I'm Picking out a Thermos for You" by Steve Martin
The clear winner of last night's Iowa Brown & Black Forum was Maria Celeste Arraras, who is a major personality on, I believe, Univision. She is absolutely stunning in every respect. There should be a 24 hour-a-day cable channel running nothing but footage of this woman.

VIVA LAS CHICAS MEXICANAS!!!

VIVA EL GRINGO CON EL POLLO A HOGO!!!

Sharpton Bites a Cracker
Too bad Al Sharpton is a crooked ethnopolitician and an anti-Semite. He's actually a gifted orator and a bright guy. For instance, tonight, during the Black and Brown Debate or whatever they call it, he totally exposed Dean for being the racial hypocrite that one would expect of a cracker-ass from negro-free Vermont. Turns out, Sharpton got Dean to admit that, in the eleven years he was governor of that state, Dean never once had a "racial minority" in his cabinet. Even by my standards as an anti-affirmative action character, I'd say that's just politically stupid. Even the Dumbass Warmonger has managed over the years to include a few of "them."

Of course, all of us numbskulled Southerners are anxious to be lectured by Dean on race relations and our "unconscious biases." What a fucking calculator this dope is.

Be sure to bring Jesus with you to Texas, Howard, so we'll know your heart is pure and belongs to Him.

As the caption on the cover of a recent issue of National Review implored the Dumbocrats: "PLEASE nominate this man."

And thanks for the talking point, Al. I'm sure the President will grateful for the clip.

Gettin' High with Pedro, Mang
Mood:  on fire
Well, then. If we're gonna have a big, happy bipartisan circle-jerk about legalizing illegal immigrants (e.g., "They're gonna be/work/drive/mooch off of the dole here anyway, so we ought to just make them legal...."), then why can't these same asshole politicians just forget all about the war on marihuana and legalize that?! I mean, if we're gonna smuggle/grow/sell/smoke/possess it anyway, why not make that legal, too?

Fucking hypocrites, but worse than that: they're locking up tens of thousands of (mostly young) people every year for smoking and having marihuana when marihuana's got nothing on the abuse of alcohol and tobacco and the manipulations by those industries. You wanna balance the budget and do right by the common man? Quit fucking with him when he wants to twist one up, jackass! Is there any reckoning among these [lawmakers] of how many lives they are destroying and how much money they are wasting by imprisoning marihuana smokers?

LEGALIZE MARIHUANA NOW!!! IMMEDIATELY EXONERATE ALL PRISON SENTENCES FOR THE POSSESSION AND CULTIVATION OF MARIHUANA NOW!!!

Idiots. Hey, as long as we're doin' it, make it legal...

Really? HUH!
I don't know if y'all have heard of this, but John Kerry is a Viet Nam veteran! Can you believe that? I'd never heard of it until just now. He really ought to capitalize on that more by mentioning it in every fucking point he makes.

Why Dean Is Unacceptable as POTUS
Mood:  on fire
This is a great essay by former federal prosecutor Andrew C. McCarthy on why Howard Dean and Bill Clinton are assholes and why the former has no business taking the latter's old job.

Liberal Dumbocrats want to handle the War on Terrorism like it were a criminal matter. Little wonder, then, that al-Qaeda took us for suckers.

No more of that. Now we have a President who doesn't launch minor retaliations as distractions from his girlfriend's testimony about giving him blow jobs.

Say So
Mood:  loud
People who reflexively insist that no movie is ever better than the book upon which it is based are assholes. But not just any kind of asshole: they are pretentious, self-conscious assholes. And likely to not even own a TV, which makes them luddites, as well as assholes.

Endorse This
Who cares if Tom Harkin has endorsed Howard Dean? The guy's a commie. Yeah, yeah: he's also a Viet Nam War veteran, but he's spent the past 20 years (it seems like) in the United States Senate, standing up for liberal crap at every turn. He's one of the most partisan Senators ever, which should tell you something about the collective wisdom of the average Iowan Dumbocrat: flaky, flighty, and all fucked up.