Really? HUH!
I don't know if y'all have heard of this, but John Kerry is a Viet Nam veteran! Can you believe that? I'd never heard of it until just now. He really ought to capitalize on that more by mentioning it in every fucking point he makes.

Why Dean Is Unacceptable as POTUS
Mood:  on fire
This is a great essay by former federal prosecutor Andrew C. McCarthy on why Howard Dean and Bill Clinton are assholes and why the former has no business taking the latter's old job.

Liberal Dumbocrats want to handle the War on Terrorism like it were a criminal matter. Little wonder, then, that al-Qaeda took us for suckers.

No more of that. Now we have a President who doesn't launch minor retaliations as distractions from his girlfriend's testimony about giving him blow jobs.

Say So
Mood:  loud
People who reflexively insist that no movie is ever better than the book upon which it is based are assholes. But not just any kind of asshole: they are pretentious, self-conscious assholes. And likely to not even own a TV, which makes them luddites, as well as assholes.

Endorse This
Who cares if Tom Harkin has endorsed Howard Dean? The guy's a commie. Yeah, yeah: he's also a Viet Nam War veteran, but he's spent the past 20 years (it seems like) in the United States Senate, standing up for liberal crap at every turn. He's one of the most partisan Senators ever, which should tell you something about the collective wisdom of the average Iowan Dumbocrat: flaky, flighty, and all fucked up.

All Your Base Are Belong to Us
Mood:  a-ok
It's exciting to know that the President will propose next week a permanent return to the Moon and a plan to prepare us for someday reaching Mars. Our destiny, after all, is to colonize the Solar System and, thereby, guarantee the survival of Homo sapiens.

Charles Krauthammer has a great essay about this in this week's Weekly Standard.

I don't understand people who think space exploration is a waste of time or money or who don't have any interest in it at all or who think our destiny is only Earthbound. These people are fungi on the rocks at the bottom of a moist pit. Chattering soupskin troglodytes who can never appreciate human potential. What would they prefer that government spend the taxpayer's money on? My answer to that is what it was ten years ago when I wrote against the budget cuts for the Superconducting Supercollider: inner-city riot prevention. More money for more moochers and users. Keeping up the welfare state, generally. Forget that shit.

We belong among the stars. Establishing a lunar base will be a beautiful "first" step back to where we were when I was an infant. I am genuinely excited.

Back to the Bottlers
Mood:  cheeky
I just heard that my state rep [Oops! I meant Senator!] Gonzalo Barrientos has decided not to run for the U.S. Congress in the new district they made out of East Austin (and a strip of land headed all the way down to the border, Frost-style). It's just as well, as I think he lacks the gravitas and intelligence for such a high office. And, also, it would have cut into the daily number of hours required for the consumption of alcohol.

God Love Liz Claman
Mood:  hungry
God love Liz Claman for wearing that pink turtleneck this morning. Time for you homo sapiens to get with it and tune into CNBC and check out the hottest red-haired babe on the TV.

Stew
Mood:  don't ask
President Bush's immigration plan is crap. It will result in a blanket amnesty on a scale with the 1986 Reagan plan. It's crucial that we resist this because it's exactly the kind of thing that will ultimately lead to the balkanization of the American Southwest. Why is that not understood? Why does big business take no responsibility for this kind of mass importation of non-American culture? Is it a principle of "compassionate conservatism" to shepherd in a permanent underclass in this country? You know the usual crap: no one else wants to do these jobs, so why not bring in cheap foreign labor to do it? Because that foreign labor doesn't leave. It stays and makes babies and goes on welfare and ignores civic responsibility and transforms whole neighborhoods and communities into barrios and alien enclaves.

Which is a giant fucking Bowie knife in the back of the middle class.

Like I say, Mr. President, there's not enough political benefit for you to do this. In the next 10 months, everyone will get used to the idea that you're going to kick Dean's ass. The perception of the inevitable landslide will depress voter turnout and that means Latinos are going to stay away from the polls in droves. They don't even vote in competitive elections, so why are you sucking up to them?

By the way, when is Vicente Fox going to give us something in return for absorbing his poor? I want to see some reciprocity, goddammit.

[Laugh to Keep from Crying]
Mood:  crushed out
Oh, oh, I know, man. I know. But you still can't do it. You can want a cigarette to death, but it ain't gonna help you. You can smoke one, but then you're going to feel guilty. And maybe even sick. When someone says you can't smoke somewhere or you read about how some municipality or company somewhere has banned smoking on their premises, don't be mad at them: be mad at yourself. Be pissed off at your own weakness. Be pissed at the Government for making such a big profit off your ignorant ass. That's what's happening, jackson.

Don't you think the Joker laughs at you?

Die! Die! Die!
Mood:  on fire
What's going on with all this Princess Diana bullshit AGAIN?!?! Why are they going back into it? Is it that fucking paranoiac old man at it again, trying to cause problems for his adopted country?

Time to face facts, dumbass: your son and his girlfriend got themselves killed by making his alcoholic servant speed through the streets of Paris where he crashed into a retaining wall inside a tunnel. No conspiracies, either, asshole. Just plain ol' human vanity doing its best to punish itself.

Time for you to go raid a fund or merge some companies, wanker.

Hillary Hates Indians and All They Stand For! Read All About It!
Mood:  silly
The national media desperately needs to cut the shit. So Hillary Clinton made some dumb joke the other day about how Gandhi was working in a gas station in St. Louis. So what? What does that even mean? Is it supposed to humiliate and enrage all of our friends from the Subcontinent?

I, too, made a joke the other day about my "surprise" at the fact that an Indian guy runs a hotel in which I was staying. Does that make me a hater or a racist? Horseshit! It makes me a guy who finds it very interesting and amusing that such a disproportionate share of the many hotels he's stayed in over the past decade of his life have been owned and/or run by Indians. What the fuck?! Since when does a reputation for a strong work ethic and social responsibility incur a negative stereotype?

Anyway, if Hillary was ribbing our Indian friends, I'm surprised enough that she (a U.S. Senator ---with a Secret Service detail at that) would even know enough about gas stations and convenience stores to make such a joke. Good on her, with all that blue collar sensibility and whatnot.

Speak out against GWB's Immigration Proposals
Mood:  down
President Bush is about to blunder into another large-scale reform of our immigration system and he needs to be challenged on it. We don't need any more low-wage-working and uneducated immigrants coming across our borders and setting up shop. (Didn't I just read last week that there 290 million or more people in our country? That's outrageous! We didn't have even 150 million here during the Second World War.)

It may be a practical consideration or an appeal to the Latino vote or something else, but any move to broadly legitimize the residency of and grant citizenship to millions of more illegal immigrants is a huge mistake, both economically and culturally.

Although he alludes to a possible rationale dismissively, John O'Sullivan, in his latest essay, basically hits the nail on the head: Bush is doing this to flood the bottom end of the labor market with cheap workers. This keeps poor schlubs like me at the depressed end of the wage scale ---but it's great for big-shot plant owners and service industry investors. If labor costs stay low, the recovery can continue.

And I'll be happy about that when my grandkids are growing up in New Aztlan, see.

Don't do this, Mr. President. There's not nearly enough advantage to be gained by courting the Latino vote this way. They don't vote anyhow. And all you're doing is accelerating the dissolution of our border with Mexico. That's gonna make for some bad blood.

Another Nail
Mood:  celebratory
Except for one last desperate appeal to the United States Supreme Court (you know: the right-wing institution that crowned the Dumbass Cowboy king), the Texas Democratic Party has lost its case against redistricting. A panel of federal judges here in Austin has ruled that the new Congressional map is legal and violates none of the rights of minorities under the Voting Rights Act.

I couldn't be more pleased to see this justice be done. After watching Democrats of both chambers of our Legislature abscond across state borders to avoid performing their duties and, thus, frustrate the will of the majority and deny the rights of minorities (such as Republicans living in a district represented by a notorious drunkard), there is finally a Congressional map in place that reflects the true political nature of this state.

It's time for Lloyd Doggett to step off. Maybe he can go work with Ann Richards on the comedy club circuit up in New York.

And take that goddamned hypocrite Martin Frost with you.

Demagogographistration
Mood:  bright
Try this prediction: the biggest single demographic shift we will see in November's electoral percentages will be the Jewish vote moving from the Dumbocrats to the GOP.

Do you doubt that? You think Gore's unforgivable snub of Lieberman won't be recollected? That's Mr. I-Won-the-Popular-Vote utterly abandoning a loyal friend just to win the approval of the far left.

You think you have to explain to a pro-Israeli American Jew what it means for us to have neutralized the Saddamites and be sitting a few doors over from Jerusalem? Despite his unfortunate call for a Palestinian state, Bush knows that such a thing will never happen so long as Arafat is still around. And Mr. Terrorism is persona non grata with this Administration, whereas Clinton was practically slobbering all over him. I'll bet most Jews appreciate the cooperation that Bush has shown Israel for so many months now by letting Sharon contain Arafat and neutralize the terrorists as he sees fit.

But, really, the creeping anti-Semitism of the Left is at its most appalling in their conspiracism and paranoia. They are far too willing to see the hidden hand of the "neo-con" movement in Bush's foreign policy (neo-con being mostly code for meddlesome Jews like Wolfowitz and Kristol and others). The Leftist press is eaten alive with their insinuations of a Jewish cabal dictating the Administration's war aims. It's pathetic. Moreover, these sorry commies take their marching orders from the European elites, who sit by silently while little kristallnachts break out all over France and Germany.

Just remember: elect a Dumbocrat and you're going to have all the benefits of a new isolationism and the establishment of the Terrorist State of Palestine.

Happy 26th [!!!] to Shwucks
Mood:  special
Now Playing: maybe some cool Bryan Ferry
It's always hard to believe how old you are each time this date comes up, but I should be used to it by now.

Want to really be freaked out? Daddy already had a son with another on the way by the time he turned 26. Dude!

Hope to meet y'all at Chuy's today.

I love you.

General Clark: Shitforbrains
Mood:  on fire
It is all I can do to keep from throwing a brick through the TV screen when Wesley Clark is on. He's on Hardball with Chris Matthews right now saying that Clinton didn't deserve impeachment and that his crimes weren't crimes but a personal matter berween him and his family and that the Republicans were trying to "undermine the Presidency" by attacking him. He's also got a completely fucked up idea of how the Bush Administration is constructed and managed. Clark is such a fucking idiot!

The evidence is piling up that Clark is in this race to either diffuse Dean's support enough to force himself onto a Dean ticket or to keep the support for the nomination so soft come this summer that Hillary will step in and save the party. I've already said that Hillary's deadline for commandeering this race was this past Thanksgiving, so I don't believe the latter option is much more than a mere possibility. So, really, all that Clark has in his favor is a chance at a high post in a Dean cabinet (or, even the VP slot) on account of his alleged foreign policy credentials.

But for General Shitforbrains to question GWB's intelligence or experience is a fucking laugh. This guy doesn't know dick about anything except speaking in platitudes and regurgitating a few lines fed to him by the Clintons. What was his biggest concern about the impeachment? That the European elites were shaking their heads at us in shame. Like that should matter! Like the opinion of NATO or UN or EU bureaucrats in the matter of the impeachment of a perjurer and abuser sitting in the White House should count for anything! You know what I haven't been bothered with for the past three years? My President not being a shifty, lying sack of shit. I don't have to worry about stupid scandals or moral lapses. We have a good and loyal man in office now who is taking care of business.

No need for a replacement, thanks. Y'all can take your candidates and stuff them up your asses.

Howard Dean Oswald
Mood:  mischievious
I was trying to think of who Howard Dean resembles with that thin-lipped smirk and reptilian glare when it struck me: he looks like Lee Harvey Oswald as a middle-aged man. Don't you see it? Ha, ha. I'll have to find a picture of each at the same angle so you can appreciate this very obvious resemblance which I am probably the only one to notice.

How Do You Know?
One of the most commonly heard complaints from Wesley Clark and his kind of [American] is that the President has neglected the war on terror to pursue his personal war against Iraq. In particular, these assholes want to know why Bush has stopped looking for Osama bin Laden.

Well, what I want to know is why they are so certain that the man is even alive. I happen to think he's dead and has been ever since the bombing at Tora Bora. Have you seen any video of him since then? I haven't. At least nothing that is definitively post-Tora Bora.

There's been a few audio tapes said to be from him, but these snippets are dubious. Even when American intelligence says they think some recording or another is genuine, some other analysis will pop up to contradict that. What, do the anti-terror armchair generals accept the opinion of American intelligence? I didn't know that was allowed.

Anyway, it's time for assholes like Wesley Clark and his followers to stop saying that the President has slacked off on Osama. (It's also high time to stop acting like the war in Iraq is somehow unrelated to the war on terror, but that's another posting.) The point is that the man may very well be a skeleton scattered among the rocks of a cave somewhere. The pieces of shit who were in his thrall would naturally have every reason to keep up the idea that he is still alive since he is such a figurehead and inspiration.

Palestinian kids walk around with Osama T-shirts like Italian kids zip around with Che Guevara on the fenders of their mopeds. He's kitsch.

And I ain't seen no encores of 11 September around here, either. Is that somehow a failure? Maybe to an idiot like General Cluck.

SPIRIT IS ON MARS AND TRANSMITTING PICTURES
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: "Mars Needs Guitars" by the Hoodoo Gurus
The rover is on the surface! Safe and sound and already on the job. Thanks to NASA and the American spirit.

Congratulations to all. I can't wait for the pictures.

Dreams of a Martian Sunrise
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Metzenbaumskivichiwicz
With the recent failure to land on Mars sucessfully with the Beagle 2, I am pretty anxious about tonight, when NASA is supposed to put the Spirit down on the surface of what is believed to be an ancient Martian sea bed.

I am a great lover and supporter of our space program and I very much want to see some successes we can build on. The Moon and Mars and the moons of the outer planets are all our destination. Human beings can and will walk the surfaces of these places again and will establish colonies among them. I am certain of that. Imagine the crime against potential if we allowed backward societies (e.g., radical Muslim countries) to smother the baby in its crib. We, as a species of life, are obligated to move outward into the Solar System and recreate human society everywhere. A thousand years from now, that may be the only thing American society is remembered for, except to scholars.

It's a race against time and the disease of savages. You gotta know who I'm rooting for.