17 Apr, 06 > 23 Apr, 06
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21 Apr, 03 > 27 Apr, 03
Better Living through Science
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Sunday, 30 January 2005
Why Are Cox & Forkum Not In My Local Rag?

These guys are really gifted editorial cartoonists and bloggers ---and terribly underappreciated. Be sure to visit their site through my blogroll.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:54 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Just Keep Going
Mood:  chatty
When you get to the bottom of this page, be sure to click on the "Older" link there to take you back to yesterday's entries. I've been writing a lot here lately ---and I wouldn't want you to miss any of my brilliant analyses or potty mouth.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:47 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Unlike the Viet Cong
I just heard Pat Buchanan make a great point to Loudmouth Matthews that a lot of people need to understand:

"The insurgents don't have a program, unlike the Viet Cong."
That's right. That's another major reason why this War for Iraq isn't the Viet Nam War.

What program do these subhuman sacks of shit have? Murdering schoolchildren and jobseekers and housewives? Yeah. That's not a political cause: that's psychopathy. Or is there some major groundswell of support for this Islamofascist horseshit in Iraq I haven't heard of? These "insurgents" ---or "Minutemen," as the treasonous wad of dog shit Michael Moore calls them--- aren't summarily executing election workers in the middle of busy streets because they're upset over tarriff policy; they're doing so because they are MURDERERS.

Fuck the Saddamites. Fuck the al-Qaedists. Fuck the Iranian and Syrian interlopers. And fuck a Democrat who won't say today ---of all days--- that the exercise of one's right to vote is a good thing.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:12 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Rhododactylos Eos ---Sorta
Go look at this guy's website before his bandwidth gets blown. His name is Ryan and he's an American advisor in Baghdad.

Lots of great pictures you won't see anywhere else.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 4:21 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Sunday, 30 January 2005 4:23 PM CST

Photo borrowed from the Power Line.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 4:11 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Kim Deal's Voice
Mood:  amorous
Is there any sound sexier than Kim Deal's voice? It's got this honeyed, smokey, baby-talk quality that simply does it for me.

It's incredible to consider that I saw the Pixies for the first time at the Texas Ballroom on the UT campus ---fifteen years ago! Good Christ! As I recall, it was my mission that night to go and buy beer at the concession stand for my friends. None of us were yet 21, but I gave it my best try. Amazingly, however, that old trick had been tried unsuccessfully before ---and worked about as well when I went to pull it. So I had to simply drink my ill-gotten beer from behind a line as I waved at my friends. I doubt they cared ---cranky though they were.

I don't recall much about that show, but the one I saw last night on ACL was really fantastic. They did many of the most familiar songs, but also did a very short and charming song from David Lynch's excessively disturbing film Eraserhead called "In Heaven". I knew I had heard it before, but didn't know where to place it. Maybe they covered it on one of their albums? Anyway, it was an all-too-brief moment with Kim's marvelously sultry voice ---and I enjoyed it. They also performed a very subdued and delicate version of "Wave of Mutilation" and my all-time Pixies favorite "Where Is My Mind?" The encore was an okay version of "Caribou".

There are some excellent photos of her and the rest of the Pixies from a show in Massachusetts late last year at this guy's website. Check it out.

If I ever strike it rich, I'm going to hire Kim Deal to record me a personal disc of lullabys. Beautiful.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 3:42 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Drowned Out
Courtesy of Little Green Footballs (where Charles Johnson says, "Please remind me never to get on Iowahawk's bad side") comes this jalape?o-and-fiberglass enema ---delivered by said Iowahawk--- for the loathsome senior US Senator from Massachusetts.

I'll get you started with the Senator's opening remarks:

Like all Americans, I had high hopes for the future of the Oldsmobile and its passengers, as we struggle against the onrushing water and its poorly-designed shoulder belts. But as claustrophobia sets in we must begin to sober up and face the truth: hope is no longer an option.

It is time for us to recognize that our continued presence in this volatile region is a hinderance to the Oldsmobile and its people. Rather than helping the situation we are further weighing down the Oldsmobile, causing it to sink faster and faster into the quagmire of Chappaquidick Bay, creating a dangerous situation for both ourselves as well as its passengers who are desperately seeking an air pocket in which to start a better life.

That is why I believe we have reached the point where we must take a deep breath and immediately depart the Oldsmobile. We must seek through the watery darkness and release the belt latch of madness that has kept us here, and reach out for a sane and honorable window crank.
As Michael King says, "Just damn."

Posted by Toby Petzold at 2:35 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
No More Charlie Brown
Looks like Balloon Juice has a similar impression to mine of John Kerry on Meet the Press this morning. These anti-Bush ninnies are always moving the goalposts it seems:

John Kerry, btw, was on Meet The Press this morning, and did everything he could to piss all over the administration and the election. According to him, we need to have a massive outreach to the international community in order to make sure the election is viewed as legitimate. And the Democrats wonder why they are the minority party. "This is the last chance for the President to get it right." Go fuck yourself.

I am so sick and tired of playing Charlie Brown to their Lucy.
I sometimes wonder if the anti-war "leadership" in this country is not simply playing to type. Like they're obligated, for the sake of some Inconceivably Grand Dog-and-Pony Show, to spout pessimistic nonsense to appear engaged in a contrary position.

Today should be, as the kids say, a "no-brainer." Go with the moment, dickheads. Just be happy that millions and millions of Iraqi citizens braved death to go and vote. The Democrats weren't lobbing mortar rounds at me back in November when I went to vote.

This is historical. Remember that.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 1:50 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Mood:  happy
Man! Even CNN is just lovin' all over this election. Words of humbled awe and honor simply to be in the presence of these voters. Anderson Cooper, you got a fever, boy? Jane? Christiane? Y'all feelin' alright?

Posted by Toby Petzold at 1:10 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
What a Dreary Fuck
Now Playing: "Il vecchio castello" from Mussorgsky's Bilder einer Ausstellung
I'm watching snippets of John Kerry's appearance on Meet the Press from this morning ---and it's truly shocking what a dreary fuck he is. So dreary a fuck, in fact, that it robs me of my small ability to sympathize with him at a personal level for the great loss he suffered by losing the election.

No straight answers. Not one doffing of his hat to George W. Bush. A constant need to remind people that he did support such and such ---which unconsciously communicates to the listener that there may be some reason to suppose that he didn't support such and such.

Don't ask this guy about Iraq. He doesn't know dick about Iraq. I don't care what he thinks about the legitimacy of today's elections there or what he thinks our troops or diplomats or anyone else should be doing.

Can you imagine being represented in the United States Senate by him and Turd Kennedy? It staggers the mind. Was there ever a more perfect pair of irrelevant whiners in the history of this republic?

Posted by Toby Petzold at 1:03 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Saturday, 29 January 2005
The End of a Logical Fallacy
Whenever I go looking for an exchange with my ideological opponents, I often run into a logical fallacy that I would like to kill right here and now.

Just as an anti-war Leftist is finally running out of nonsense to spout, he will tell me that no one who hasn't served his country in uniform has any right to speak out in favor of war. Got that? If you've never been in combat, you somehow have no right to advocate violence that you yourself cannot or will not participate in.

Why do these people believe that?

It's true: I've never served my country in uniform or seen combat. But I know as a student of History that the use of military power has changed the course of human events throughout the millennia ---and very often for the better. How does my lack of military experience invalidate that knowledge? It remains objectively true that the United States military has used its power to liberate our friends and to crush those who have done us harm. Is it possible that anyone ---veteran or not--- could fail to find, for example, the cause to end Nazism or Japanese imperialism justifiable and worth advocating?

One may as well ask on what basis a person who opposes this war for Iraq does so. Even one who has served in the military. Why should a an American veteran oppose the removal of a tyrant and a regime that oppressed its people with death and destruction for decades? Because we do not remove all such dictators and murderers? Well, that's just sophistry in the face of impracticality. Saddam was a sworn enemy of our country. Why wouldn't a responsible American citizen advocate his defeat? And how else but through the application of our military power could that have been accomplished?

This belief that you aren't allowed to support a war you're not fighting in would never apply to other aspects of our social and political lives ---so why do dumbasses make the argument?

Men cannot conceive and bear children ---and yet it's ridiculous to suppose that they have no right to advocate a position on abortion or child-rearing or anything else.

People complain all the time about the actions of politicians and cops and teachers without ever being in those same positions. Why should such complaints matter if the one making them isn't serving in those roles?

The average citizen makes judgements about every aspect of public life because it is his natural obligation as a citizen ---as Plato might have said. If he is true to that obligation, he will be informed about what he passes judgement on. He cannot necessarily be experienced in every one of these aspects, but he can be reasonable in assessing them and taking a position on them. And that's because the actions of soldiers, politicians, cops, and teachers affect us all. We each have our stations in life and in wider society that affects everyone around us. Thus, you must be informed if you are going to participate. That, it seems to me, is the final criterion.

But there is one last thing to consider about this logical fallacy of the anti-war Left ---less a question of logic as of character. They insist that I, as an advocate of this war for Iraq, should be enlisting and going over to fight. But they say so because they wish that I might be killed or injured. Notice the lack of honor in this suggestion. Not as it involves me but as it does our fighting men and women. These people reacting to me would have you believe that they have our troops' best interests at heart ---and that that's why they are opposed to the war. In reality, these lousy Leftists think so little of our military personnel that they would call for those who oppose them to go and, as they would hope, die. That is to say, to anti-war moonbats, the life of a soldier in Iraq is as meaningless as that of someone whom they hate.

And therein lies the difference between myself and these rectal probes: they dishonor the sacrifices and bravery of our military while I do my best to honor and defend them. I acknowledge that I have not made a personal commitment to the military, but I make our common case in their behalf as honestly and constructively as I can. That is all I can do. As a citizen, it is what I must do.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 11:29 PM CST | Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
"If We Get Bored, We'll Move to California"
Now Playing: "Where Is My Mind?" by the Pixies
If you're a Pixies fan and live in Austin, you really need to be watching Austin City Limits right now. They are getting it done in fine fashion.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 7:25 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Saturday, 29 January 2005 7:33 PM CST
Election Day Coverage
Be sure to visit the folks at Friends of Democracy sometime today and for the next several days to get information on the elections in Iraq.

They say they're even going to be broadcasting a couple hours' worth of stuff on C-SPAN tomorrow (Sunday) from 1 PM to 3 PM Central Time.

Share in this, my fellow citizens. We have lost many good young men and women for this moment.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:47 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
An Essential Story on the Associated Press
Mood:  special
The guys at the Power Line are as indispensible to my understanding of current events as any other source ---and this post is a perfect example of that. John Hinderaker writes:

On the eve of the election in Iraq, the Associated Press went around the world, looking for people who didn't think anything good would come of the democratic process there. The AP's article, datelined Paris, is titled "Skeptics Question Worth of Iraq Election." It begins [in boldface, as I am too ignorant to format it as I would wish]:

Is an election guarded by U.S. forces and marked by assassinations and car bombs better than no election at all?

As Iraqis living abroad started casting ballots Friday, that is a divisive question, with skeptics dismissive of U.S. arguments the election could plant the seeds of democracy for the Middle East or be free and fair with American soldiers standing guard.

But who exactly are these "skeptics?" The AP quotes a handful of individuals and a couple of newspapers--not exactly a meaningful sample of world opinion. Let's take the AP's "skeptics" one at a time.
You simply have to read on from here. It is literally incredible that there should be such dishonest horseshit in the so-called Mainstream Media, but what can surprise us anymore?

What would you suppose a member of Hezbollah would have to say about the legitimacy of Western-style democracy? Just read this.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 4:06 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Disturbance at Fuddruckers
I just got back a while ago from having lunch at Fuddruckers with my little brother, his girlfriend, and a friend of theirs (named Rodan ---if that's to be believed). I didn't want to go there, but getting to have lunch with this particular brother is rare enough, so I went along.

I don't know if Fuddruckers is nationwide ---but you almost certainly have one of these kinds of restaurants in your area. A highly-corporatized eating experience: overly-stylized, hyper-chromatic, manufactured [fun]. It's about as human a place to graze as an Orange Julius dispensery in a shopping mall food court. Maybe the Elvis memorabilia and the other pop cultural kitsch is enough to distract you from the exorbitant prices, but not me.

Of course, when I go to place my order, I make the mistake of telling the guy behind the counter that I had never been there before. This is his cue to get on the PA system to loudly announce that "WE HAVE A FIRST-TIME CUSTOMER!!!" Bells go off and all sorts of shit happens. Jesus Christ! I'm trying to tamp this thing down like Fielding Mellish regretting his purchase of a copy of Orgasm.

All I was actually trying to do was verify that I wasn't about to mistakenly order something that was going to cost me my left nut. But what comes next? Why, this big black guy comes and tries to dance with me. You know: the First-Time Customer Dance. Ah, yes. You have to love the [spontaneity] of it all.

So I go and sit down with the pager they've given me that signals when my burger is ready. Is that really necessary? Can't they just come and find me and have some fucking dignity about it?

Anyway, places like that give me the creeps. I genuinely feel sorry for people who must work at such jobs. I realize that restaurants like Fuddruckers exist because the design works and cracker-assed suburbanites eat that stuff up, but it's still a weird experience to want. Having you ring an old firehouse bell on your way out to tell the staff how much you enjoyed it? And having them give you a hearty shout-out in return? Yecchhh.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 3:52 PM CST | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Friday, 28 January 2005
Geographical Bachelor
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: "Gear" by Naked Raygun
My friend ---an old duck hunter--- was telling me a term they use in the Army to describe a guy whose family lives far from the post where he is stationed: Geographical Bachelor.

Heh, heh. Was there ever a term more in need of belonging to a really grungy garage band?

Posted by Toby Petzold at 5:55 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Lots of people are criticizing Vice President Cheney for his apparel worn at yesterday's anniversary memorial at Auschwitz. Apparently, his green parka was inappropriate in a sea of black.

That may be ---for some. But considering that it was snowing and windy and well below freezing, these "fascionists" may forgive a man in his 60s ---who's suffered multiple heart attacks--- for wearing something to better keep him warm. Cheney is almost certainly on a regimen of medications that keep his blood thin ---and thoughtless pricks who may have forgotten that small fact should now remember it. That parka may have been all that was available to him under unknowable circumstances.

Our Vice President was present and showed his respect for all the world to see. What a small mind it takes to find anything far from that to be worth noting or criticizing.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 4:44 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Wednesday, 26 January 2005
A Feigning Spell
Tonight's entertainment? Reading all of these Democrats proclaim their indifference to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' decision to not award Fahrenheit 9/11 a single nomination in any category.

Why are these people so ungrateful to the spiritual leader of their party? Why aren't they up in arms at this politically motivated snub?

Some say that they don't care about awards or Hollywood or any of that stuff, but that's a lie. They depend on the Celebrity Left to publicize their agenda. These Leftists were all quite pleased at the mainstream acceptance of the traitor Michael Moore's 2003 award for Best Documentary. Remember that? That was validation. So what do they call this rejection now? "Uh, nothing. It doesn't matter." Right.

The Oscar is the most coveted and culturally significant cinematic achievement in all of filmmaking. The Oscars are also the most politically charged awards in all of pop culture. Remember Brando sending that Indian woman to decline his Oscar for The Godfather? Remember the self-righteous turds sitting on their hands when Elia Kazan was given a Lifetime Achievement Award? Rightly or wrongly, the Oscars matter because they belong to a very long tradition.

Thus, by snubbing Fahrenheit 9/11, the Academy was saying something. The liberal elite among them are saying that their ingratitude to their intellectual and spiritual leader is unimportant in the long run and that what really matters is sales.

The Moore-ons are pretending not to notice. Maybe they're disappointed that they hitched their wagon to a traitor's star. Maybe they're just being proud.

Imagine that!

Posted by Toby Petzold at 9:14 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Phoney Baloney
Now Playing: SPLART! Hooo-AAGGGHHHH!!! Glarggghhhh!!!
I'm listening to Texas Governor Rick Perry's "State of the State" address right now ---and it's making me nauseous. He's got to be the phoniest orator I have ever listened to. That's no joke, either. He's awful.

But his daughter's hot. God Almighty, she's hot!

Posted by Toby Petzold at 7:54 PM CST | Post Comment | Permalink
Heard Mentality
Now Playing: groans from the audience
Google is said to be getting into the business of making television content searchable for both words and images. It's a very interesting idea, but Google would be using the text for programs as provided by closed captioning services. Have you ever read along with these weird outbursts of homophonic mistransliteration? They are enormously amusing.

Almost as amusing as Google's instant translations of foreign language documents. Those are hysterical.

Posted by Toby Petzold at 10:12 AM CST | Post Comment | Permalink

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