I just got back a while ago from having lunch at Fuddruckers with my little brother, his girlfriend, and a friend of theirs (named Rodan ---if that's to be believed). I didn't want to go there, but getting to have lunch with this particular brother is rare enough, so I went along.
I don't know if Fuddruckers is nationwide ---but you almost certainly have one of these kinds of restaurants in your area. A highly-corporatized eating experience: overly-stylized, hyper-chromatic, manufactured [fun]. It's about as human a place to graze as an Orange Julius dispensery in a shopping mall food court. Maybe the Elvis memorabilia and the other pop cultural kitsch is enough to distract you from the exorbitant prices, but not me.
Of course, when I go to place my order, I make the mistake of telling the guy behind the counter that I had never been there before. This is his cue to get on the PA system to loudly announce that "WE HAVE A FIRST-TIME CUSTOMER!!!" Bells go off and all sorts of shit happens. Jesus Christ! I'm trying to tamp this thing down like Fielding Mellish regretting his purchase of a copy of Orgasm.
All I was actually trying to do was verify that I wasn't about to mistakenly order something that was going to cost me my left nut. But what comes next? Why, this big black guy comes and tries to dance with me. You know: the First-Time Customer Dance. Ah, yes. You have to love the [spontaneity] of it all.
So I go and sit down with the pager they've given me that signals when my burger is ready. Is that really necessary? Can't they just come and find me and have some fucking dignity about it?
Anyway, places like that give me the creeps. I genuinely feel sorry for people who must work at such jobs. I realize that restaurants like Fuddruckers exist because the design works and cracker-assed suburbanites eat that stuff up, but it's still a weird experience to want. Having you ring an old firehouse bell on your way out to tell the staff how much you enjoyed it? And having them give you a hearty shout-out in return? Yecchhh.