Just Chillin'
Mood:  happy
Nothing much to tell. Last week was all about my friend's wedding in Houston, which was a very great success. Also, my mother's in town, which can be fun so long as she remembers that I can, in fact, walk and chew gum simultaneously. Oh, and I now have a cell phone, with which I am excessively impressed. Lots of good food, some great Xmas loot (including a big container of my older brother's excellent dog shit cookies), and not much to bother about job-wise (it's on auto-pilot, baby).

Now all I can hope for is a Philadelphia loss tonight and a Dallas win manana. Let's see.

Merry Christmas
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: "Good King Winceslas"
Good morning. Merry Christmas. No matter how far from my native faith I evolve, I will always love this time of the year and what it means to my loved ones. Be glad you are alive. Rejoice in your blessings. And stay in touch.

The Verdict Is In
Mood:  cheeky
These people defending Michael Jackson make me sick. Don't they get it yet? As Norm MacDonald once said when it was reported that Jackson was having portraits of a young Shirley Temple delivered to his hospital suite during one of his bleachings: "Don't be confused, folks. Michael Jackson is a homosexual pedophile."

Frozen Yogurt Machine-in-Chief
Now Playing: "Beautiful World" by Devo
Did y'all see Diane Sawyer's interview with the Bushes last night? The First Lady, as ever, was charming. Her husband, as ever, was not charming. Which is one of the reasons people dislike or hate him: he doesn't blow smoke up their asses or play misty for them, like the liar who preceded him. But is Bush's artlessness justification for such a violent rejection of him by the liberal elites? I would imagine that what you witness today in their reaction to him is very similar to what Lyndon Johnson went through after JFK died. Whatever his real merits were, Kennedy could charm the pants off of a heterosexual drill sergeant; Johnson, on the other hand, was a boor. Inasmuch as Johnson had a public sense of humor, it was usually based on crude or broad standards.

I don't necessarily want a leader who stands there and charms the press or the world, but Diane Sawyer sure does. She wants him to be a frozen yogurt machine that she can play on for some smooth and creamy quippery. But that's not what Bush is there for. He's got some big and very serious issues to deal with and I'm not about to castigate him for not being the great wit that Clinton was supposed to be.

Funny don't pay the bills, jerky.

A Perfect Observation
Mood:  suave
Several weeks ago, there was an attractive spokeswoman from an animal shelter in Williamson County on one of the local morning news programs answering viewers' e-mail, as asked by the anchor. One woman had written in to complain about how awful it was that she (the spokeswoman) had advocated getting all of these animals fixed when they, too, have a right to live and breed freely, just as Nature intended.

The spokeswoman, while playfully wrestling with a dog in her lap, patiently explained that dogs and cats are NOT "natural" animals. They are the creation of human beings and the choices of human beings in the procreative cycle of these domestic pets is central to their existence (e.g., variety breeding, etc.).

It's a truly excellent point. You don't find sharpeis or fluffy white Persians walking around in the deep woods, hunting. So, there, beeatch.

Merde in France
If you haven't checked out the greatest blog ever (Merde in France) be sure to use the link under my favorites on your left.

Merde in France is everything a blog should be. It is consistently and brilliantly angry. And it has one enemy, always in its sights.

Exterminate the Loyalists
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Some Wagner (real loud to scare the gooks)
The news of these dead-enders committing violence against a free Iraq is pissing me off. I guess you can call them loyalists, but what are they being loyal to? A dictatorial regime where incredible brutality was used to keep people in line. And this is something these brain-damaged sacks of shit want to perpetuate?

I see the footage of these ugly, unwashed young men, hopping around, yelling slogans and being the vermin they are. Do they think of the Ba'athists like young negroes think of Crips and Bloods? Is that what this is? Gangism?

These turds need to snap to: Uncle Sam ain't going anywhere. We're there to mop you fuckers up and wring you out into the sewer. Don't doubt it. You think we're going to expend the lives and treasure we already have just to watch it frittered away because you're too brain-damaged to recognize what your society is becoming? Y'all are some dumb bastards. Uncle Sam has a long history of committing genocidally-proprotioned mop-up jobs for the good of the world and progress, generally. Don't wait around to find out the hard way. Drop your guns and get down on your knees.

Facing West.

Bar Clark
How can Dumbocrats (like Madonna!) support the candidacy of Wesley Clark? The guy's a phoney! He has almost no natural ties to the party and, yet, when he announced his candidacy, he instantly became the runner-up in any poll of Democratic contenders. What sort of fickle, shit-for-brains nonsense is that? Is it because he's a military man and that that will somehow show up or undercut George W. Bush? I mean, their reasoning (if you can call it that) is utterly retarded.

Every time I hear Clark pronounce upon some important question, the noise coming out of his skull are the gears of his hypocrisy and self-contradiction grinding him to a halt. He cannot speak without undermining himself, but who knows what these dumbasses are hearing? It's pathetic.

Lead Pipes
The Dow-Jones is over 10K (good for pension portfolios, see). Old folks got some help paying for their drug habits. And now we got Saddam in Qatar or some such place with a light bulb in his face and a pack of barking dogs on his ass about thangs and stuff. How is Bush supposed to lose his job? He's a shoo-in, but we're still going to have to watch a lot of TV ads and other awkward stumpings. The Dumbocrats know they're going to lose, which is why they want a guy with some "principle" to vote for so that they can live with themselves.

But where is the disgust for Gore with how he snubbed Lieberman? Just think about that, lefties! You all want to "avenge" 2000, but you have no problem with your Great Cheated Heroes falling out with each other? Gore thought that Lieberman was Presidential three years ago and now prefers Dean? Why? Is he running for Dean's Secretary of State? Is he trying to throw a monkey wrench in the Clinton machine?

Jonah Goldberg said the other day that Gore's endorsement of Dean and the positions that Gore is now espousing are damned near dishonorable. I agree absolutely. Gore is a fucking chump trying to find some resonance with the crackpottiest left-wing losers you can find in the Democratic Party. He's completely buttfucking his own legacy --and for what? So that MoveOn.org will keep inviting him to their klaverns? What a joke.

Premonitory, Admonitory
Mood:  celebratory
The entry prior to this one is about as close to a premonition as I've come in a while, for just a few hours later, I would learn that Saddam was captured. Which is to say, at the very most, something must have been in the air.

Everyone is happy that Saddam is in our custody, but the ramifications of the story about him and Abu Nidal and Atta and, ultimately, bin Laden, are apparently not yet fully appreciated. If that link is substantiated, then every anti-war asshole who ever rebuked this Administration is going to have to apologize for their ignorance and blindness. You bet, pardner: it's that serious.

Speaking of human garbage, there's lots of reports from the Sunni cities where everybody's still queer for Saddam that he is believed to still be free. That's right. There's hundreds of thousands of asshole Iraqis who are so brainwashed and ignorant that they can't accept the reality of their situation. And, so, they continue with their suicide bombings and their roadside minings and their RPG launchings. What are they fighting for? Saddam isn't going to be paying them to kill us anymore. The Ba'athists are beat and incapable of mounting anything more than a terrorist insurgency. And that's the thing: these worthless, brain-damaged fuckwads know that they are unwelcome in civil Iraqi society. These are the vermin Saddam released en masse just before the liberation. They know they're going down; they just don't want to go out like suckers.

Let's have more of these cordons and raids. Let's bulldoze the houses of assholes like we were the fucking IDF, baby! We got thousands of humpers and John Waynes, homeboy. We'll let the gooks play the indians and exterminate some bugs. Just look in the eyes of those rodents dancing around Fallujah with portraits of Saddam over their heads: you think brain-damaged sacks of shit like them are good candidates for "re-education"? Get serious. Go cold-blooded.

Saddam and Atta?
Do you recall that, just before Uncle Sam unloaded on Saddam Hussein, one of the biggest sacks of shit ever to emerge from the Palestinian terrorist movement, Abu Nidal, was murdered in his home in Baghdad? Did you ever consider why the one event preceded the other so closely? Could it be that Saddam permitted Mohammad Atta, the so-called leader of the hi-jackers of 11 September, access to Nidal?

That's what the UK's Telegraph is reporting tonight. The governing council in Iraq has found some documentation of just such an arrangement. If it holds up, that will supply the proof that Saddam had links to al-Qaeda in the weeks and months before the attacks.

Oh, Yeaaahhhhh
Mood:  a-ok
That lady in the Overstock.com ads on the TV is making me want to go and lock horns and beat up interlopers and pound on my chest and hoot and holler. Man, is she fines!

Then Let Me Put It This Way
Mood:  don't ask
"Of whom much is given, much is expected."

Certain human beings achieve such a high degree of celebrity and fame and fortune that they each become a law unto themselves. But, in return for that status (and I am a firm believer in this), they make themselves into sacrificial lambs. That's the deal. In exchange for being worshipped, cock-sucked, slack-cut, and pawed over, they ought to be made to stand tall before the man and be burned alive, if necessary. That is to say, there is something of a natural law at work, for a price must be paid for being venerated and enriched beyond one's moral capacity by millions of strangers.

Certain human beings. A small number in any generation or culture. Elevated above the rest and observant of no rule but their own. Stand there and command what you may. Exploit it and live it out, baby. Make every dream a reality because you can.

But offend me and stink in my nostrils and I will want nothing but death from you. I will smash you like a graven image. I won't even piss on your rotten corpse for all I think of you. If you even try to make excuses or cry uncle or open your wallet, I swear I will think of ever more cruel and outrageous means to the end of your life. I will applaud your demise like a bad-ass drum solo well delivered.

All moral lepers be damned. No more freaks and fuck-ups. Don't bitch when the candle that burned twice as bright burned half as long. That's the deal. A small number of human beings in any given generation. Take it like a man or whatever the fuck you are: thou owest Nature a death.

Thanks for the Correction, Deepblade
I've been making that mistake forever. Big-time collegiate football is Division I-A, not just "Division I." Smaller, less well-funded programs belong to Division I-AA. I'll have to educate myself as to the criteria that distinguish between the two, but the most important thing is this: if smaller divisions can get it together and have a play-off system, why can't the pre-professional and pre-eminent division of them all have it? Are these asshole university presidents and athletic directors concerned about the graduation rates or the negative impact on exam scores for these young men? No one believes that. No one believes that it would present any kind of financial or logistical or scheduling burden at all. No one believes that a fair and fortunate system of rotating bowls can't be worked out.

To hell with it. Before long, I will be kicking back in a recliner, watching the first round of the Division I-A college football play-offs. These unimaginative losers who run today's major universities are dinosaurs standing in the way of progress.

A Mother's Advice
I've been experiencing a very painful situation the past several days in the area of the greatest sensitivity possible, but had not advised my mother of this until it came up in conversation this evening.

So, now, she is full of advice about how this situation needs to be handled. Of course, everything she suggests is basically what I've already done, but she wants to tell me this stuff anyway, as though I were incapable of figuring it out for myself.

Anyhow, she's a hoot. Nothing like taking medical advice from a Christian Scientist.

The Media's Gone Nuts, Clearly
Mood:  loud
What on Earth has possessed the national and local media to rant and rave like this about getting vaccinated against the flu? Every news outlet has gone absolute ape shit about it and it's FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE! STOP ALARMING THE PUBLIC for Christ's sake!

You've got dumbasses standing in half-mile-long lines (and in freezing weather, no less) for the chance at what? A vaccine that has about 75 percent effectiveness? A vaccine that won't protect you or your squirmy little runt if you happen to catch one of the strains of flu that that shot doesn't protect against. What are these dopes thinking of? If you catch the flu, ride it out and get some good anti-bodies built up in your system so that you can help your immune system help itself. Quit trying to short-circuit Nature and take your lumps! If you survive, you're way ahead of the dopes who keep getting innoculated and who never build up a natural resistance to anything.

So, go home and ignore these asshole anchors and "experts" who are trying to get you all riled up. If I were a paranoiac, I'd almost believe that this concerted effort to terrorize the public was some kind of a Government test to gauge public response levels.

So, quit eating the G's cheese, bitch!

Losers
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Nothing at all: just silence
Am I wrong to want to see Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston dead? Why does anyone care about them at all? They're a pair of flaky drug addicts who need the attention of a prurient media to maintain their interest in life and in each other. But I just want them to die. I want the next thing I hear about them to be that Bobby has pummeled that warbling skeezer-cumjar to death and has gone on a high-speed flight from the police, ending in his violent death when he plows into a lightpole.

Monkeys
Great. They're monkeying with the blog-building interface again. I wish they'd leave it the hell alone. I don't know why they're doing it. The worst of it is the comments sections, which now are all showing zero response. Oh, well...

A Vote of No Confidence?
They say Al Gore is going to endorse Howard Dean's candidacy today, but why is that? Shouldn't that be taken as a rejection of his old partner, the other half of Sore-Loserman 2000, who is still in the hunt? That is to ask, why was Lieberman worthy of the highest considerations in 2000 and not now?

It may just be some practical political math. Lieberman is just too far to the center-right to get the kids hot for him; there's not enough difference between him and the dumbass cowboy-thief in the White House to make him attractive.

But Dean? He throws 'em red meat on cue, baby! He'll even publicly entertain and countenance the suggestion that Bush had foreknowledge of September 11th and permitted New York City and Washington, D.C. to be grievously damaged. He's anti-war and a real rolled-up sleeves tough guy (maybe short on the facts sometimes, but what a rabble-rouser!).

So Dean can energize the base because he's the anti-Bush (so far as we know). The sooner he can take the lead against the other losers and put it away, the faster the DNC can back him and make him a real choice. But, no matter how much the Dumbocrats love this guy, he ain't gonna do nothing in the South come next November. He won't win a single state south of the Line, nor will he win anything in the Midwest.

Smart traitors like Gore (yep, he's still a traitor to his country, so far as I'm concerned) know what Dean's chances are, of course, and so they know that, come 2008, the pendulum may have swung far enough back to the Left that Hillary might make that her time to shine. That is to say, no one's going to beat George W. Bush in 2004 and, so, they may as well throw Dean in with the red meat.

Anyway, I want to hear how Gore rationalizes not backing his old partner. And what will old Joe say? Hmmm...

Playblah
This past weekend, for the first time in probably 15 years or more, I was able to purchase a copy of Playboy magazine at a 7-11. The reason why this matters is because the Southland Corporation (which may or may not still own 7-11) famously succumbed years ago to the political pressure of such great divines as Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority to stop all sales of pornographic magazines in their stores. (Apparently, there was no such pressure to stop the sale of tobacco or alcohol or other shit that does actual harm to our society.)

These days, of course, the magazine racks at 7-11 are absolutely alive with the bare skin of hundreds of well-oiled and air-brushed sluts and celebrities, so what possible difference can it still make to ban Playboy? After all, that magazine is probably the least pornographic thing on any rack it rests upon.

I know this because the copy I bought was their 50th anniversary issue. And, Jesus, what a bore! Eight bucks for yet another helping of Hugh Hefner's retarded tastes? He has absolutely retreated into a vanilla fantasy world where every woman should have blonde hair and fake tits. Whatever happened to real and beautiful women? Or, even brunettes? I have paid as little attention to Playboy as possible in the past five or six years because Hefner has no fucking taste!

Compare the 25th Anniversary Playmate Candy Loving to the 50th Anniversary Playmate (whose name I can't recall and for good reason). Candy was a full-figured, dark-haired woman of great beauty. She had a face to remember. And she was as natural as God's bounty. What's this newest girl all about? Very blonde hair, a dime-a-dozen face, and a 34C chest. What the hell? What a thoroughly boring choice for the 50th Anniversary! You'd think they could've come up with a woman on a level with their best, but no. We have to suffer more of Hefner's stunted ideals. More of the same old shots of famous celebrities from the dim past, like Ursula Andress or Joan Collins. More self-congratulatory crap about the "Playboy Philosophy" or retrospectives of Nagel or Neiman or some other aesthetic grotesquerie. Hef's stuff is desiccated and dead. And that's why Playboy is no longer relevant.