Prerogatives
New Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was on CNN earlier today, wanting to know from Christiane Amanpour on what authority do we in the West say that his country can't have nuclear weapons.

Well, that's a great question, Mahmoud, and you deserve a clear answer.

It is the prerogative of the most powerful nation on Earth ---the United States of America--- to make sure you remember your place. We and most of our allies see a nuclearized Iran as a threat against the peace of the Middle East, most especially to the security of the millions of Jews who live in Israel.

Nobody trusts your culture to keep nuclear technology on a peaceful path ---and that includes such societies as the effete and degenerate Old Europe. They, too, know that if you are left unchecked, you will move to destroy Israel and choke off the world's supply of petroleum. The whole world knows that you are one of the worst incubators of Islamofascist terrorism ---and it is the moral imperative of Western Civilization to hold you down until the influence of our superior culture of human and civil rights has had sufficient time to secularize your people into good consumer-citizens.

Right now, Mahmoud, your natural allies here in America are the anti-Bush Left. They do not believe in the essential goodness of the human and civil rights their own ancestors made possible in this land and across the world. They are embittered partisans whose only motivation is to hate and undermine the present Administration. So overwhelming is this hatred that they are not even able to understand that the victory of Islamist doctrine would mean their own deaths, too.

So, if I were a disinterested observer, I would say the most immediate step in your strategy would be to continue your appeals to those on the anti-war and anti-Bush Left. Your interview today with Ms. Amanpour is just the thing. After all, the Leftist influence on Big Media makes such monsters as Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il seem like misunderstood celebrities, at worst. With a little spit and polish, I'm sure you'll catch their eye and make it in the bigs as well.

UPDATE: [Silently] corrected two typos in final graf.