Arcimboldo, Lately

Behind
Now Playing: "Minimum Wage" by They Might Be Giants
An old friend of mine in New York just doesn't know what to make of this newfangled blogosphere thingamajig:

"Alternative" media is real. I'm just not sure disseminating false information qualifies you as part of it.

See, I'm a liar because I disagree with him. And because I link to reports and analyses that don't taste like the horseshit he's being spoonfed by, presumably, the Times and Air America.

You and You People are so happy to be part of something you'll forgive its every wrongheaded and deceptive impulse.

Huh? What can one make of this? Is our correspondent referring to Dan Rather's lies or John Kerry's? Both have been exhaustively detailed in thousands of different blogs, "alternative" though they are.

What this is, of course, is a liberal Yankee's desperate shaft against the encroaching decay of the liberal elite's hold over the media. I don't have to wait around for CBS News or CNN or the New York Times to tell me what I may believe anymore ---and it rankles. It especially rankles those who pass themselves off as true adherents to a free press and the promotion of democracy. When the genuine article is staring them in the face, they choose to look away and mumble something about deception and Halliburton.

Oh, and Valerie Ghraib and Abu Plame, too.

Zzzzz.....

The Fakery Unfolds
Now Playing: "Use Me Up" by Bill Withers
One of the more famous of the so-called portraits of the so-called William Shakespeare has been declared to be phogna bologna by some so-called experts. In this case, I choose to believe them ---because I've never had any reason to believe the Flower Portrait was the real deal, anyway.

Historians have disagreed about the origins of The Flower Portrait, which bears the inscription 1609.

Not everyone has been convinced that the portrait, owned by the Royal Shakespeare Company (RSC), was painted during the playwright's lifetime.

Now National Portrait Gallery experts in London confirm it is a fake which dates back to the early 19th century.

[...]

Chrome yellow paint, dating from around 1814, had been found embedded in the portrait.

The Droeshout Engraving was for the first edition of collected works

"We now think the portrait dates back to around 1818 to 1840, exactly the time when there was a resurgence of interest in Shakespeare's plays," she added.

The image bears a strong resemblance to the Droeshout Engraving, which accompanied the first folio of Shakespeare's works.

And, as we well know, the Droeshout Portrait itself is the single most successful cartoon ever created. Nonsense from start to finish, but what an image!

Remember: virtually everything you think you know about William Shakespeare is a lie. They don't teach you that in school, but that's only because it would get in the way of the poetry.

Send a Missive to the Pontiff
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag" by James Brown
Naturally, you'll want to e-mail Pope Benedict XVI your congratulations on his new job.

In English, try him at benedictxvi@vatican.va.

Get Some
Oh, boy:

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Police said they arrested a man for spitting on two-time Academy Award-winning actress Jane Fonda [...]during a book-signing stop in Kansas City Tuesday night.

[...]

At about 9 p.m., police said 54-year-old Michael A. Smith, who had been waiting in line for about 90 minutes, passed a book to Fonda and then spit a large amount of tobacco juice into her face.

The old tobacky choad, eh? Hmmm. I don't know. It's not nearly enough punishment for her treason, but it doesn't seem quite respectable, either, you know?

Let others pass judgement. I won't.

Logrolling in Our Time
Mood:  a-ok
Greyhawk at the Mudville Gazette ---one of the most important of our milbloggers--- gives me a shout-out here on the occasion of my second blogiversary.

What a mensch! Thanks.

Making Their Peace with It
Okay, so Pope Benedict XVI was in the Hitlerjungen. And he was drafted into the Nazi Army.

The Cardinals don't have a problem with that.

Neither does Pius XII.

For a lot of people these days, their love for the Pope is inversely proportional to their adherence to his authority. Was John Paul the Great, as he may very well be known to History, a person with whom most Catholics in America agree on issues of birth control and sex and gender? These men are loved because they are ill-understood. Such are ideals.

Busy Day Off
Woke up. Took car to radiator repair shop on South Congress. Thought twice about it when I couldn't be sure the guy knew what I was asking for. Waited on the trusty old Capitol Metro No. 1. Took it all the way to the Drag. Bought a newspaper at 7-11. Had a grande cappuccino next door at the Little City coffee house. Had some smokes and read the paper. Borrowed a pen from the girl behind the counter and did the crosswords. Called an old friend on what would have been his grandmother's 92nd birthday. Talked to my real estate agent. Talked to my eldest brother. Walked up to El Patio, which was once said to be Lady Bird's favorite Tex-Mex restaurant in town. Hung around for a few minutes. Watched some delivery guys loafing and goofing around in the loading area of the liquor store next door. Went inside the restaurant when the pretty hostess opened up. Asked her if they still bring out the saltines, to which she said only on request. Told her I'd want tortilla chips, anyway, but she brought me out a little packet of saltines for old times' sake. Heard bells tolling on a TV out of my line of sight. Sensed some excitement among the people in the other dining area. Intuited that habemus papam. Told the pretty hostess that I would like to be able to see the TV at the same time my brother came in. Moved to a better table and watched the coverage from St. Peter's Square. Had the beef enchiladas. Watched Pope Benedict XVI emerge from the Basilica. Had a praline. Paid the bill. Took a ride with my brother to the radiator shop. Wrote a fat check. Drove my car home. Got nervous. Took a dump. Drove to Chuck E. Cheese's. Met my brother. Met my real estate agent. Followed my agent around with my brother, looking at houses. Two were acceptable. Two were not. One might be. Came home. Got my mail. Answered some crucial e-mails. Blogsurfed a little. Made a few comments. Watched some TV. Made dinner. Wrote this.

Today Is My Blog's Second Anniversary
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Monkey" by the Beatles
Now that you're here, feel free to make a really nasty comment. Or a really nice one. It's your call, baby.

Don't Forget
Mood:  don't ask
Don't forget: you cannot argue with the mentally ill.

Apollo XIII
Now Playing: "God Bless America" sung by Marian Anderson
Be sure to check out this great post over at InstaPundit.com with links to lots of information about the famous "failed" Apollo XIII mission.

It's a very American thing to make a triumph of disaster. In my lifetime, the story of that aborted mission to the Moon is one of the most important and poignant.

Ratzinger
I'm predicting, for no good reason, that Ratzinger will be made Pope. But a Latin American Pope would be next, if not now.

Good Stuff
Now Playing: "Slave" by the Rolling Stones
Are y'all watching this special on FDR on the History Channel? It's really very good. Lots of blunt talk about his polio and race relations and everything else. Plus, there's some absolutely incredible color footage. Stuff I don't recall ever having seen before (e.g., the 1941 Inaugural).

But the Queen of England's mouth was too small to eat a hot dog? Ha, ha! Yeah, baby, yeah, baby.

Left of the Dial
I saw the HBO documentary Left of the Dial over at my eldest brother's house tonight and found it very interesting. It's a remarkably candid look at the birth of the Leftist talk radio network Air America ---and is an unflattering portrait of self-important and shrill propagandists who know dick about what they're doing.

From the start, Air America was the undeserving beneficiary of a lot of Big Media coverage and fawning horseshit ---all out of proprotion to its actual reach or appeal. The rationale of the liars and con artists who came up with the idea of a Leftist talk radio network was that it would provide balance to people like Limbaugh and Hannity. But, in reality, it was an investor-funded propaganda arm of the Democratic Party, rather than being the organically market-driven success that conservative talk radio is. Its chief aim was to serve to defeat the incumbency of George W. Bush ---and, at this, it failed miserably.

In time ---sooner rather than later--- the network itself will meet the same fate.

After all, who would willingly listen to the intolerable and shockingly ignorant Randi Rhodes or to the laughably narcissistic pussy Marc Maron? These wankers are inexcusably vile, but the worst part of it is that Air America has provided a venue for Janeane Garofalo's intellectual disintegration ---thus depriving me of one of my favorite crushes.

Damn you all.

The Damnedest Thing I'll Hear All Day
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: "Use Me Up" by Bill Withers
I'm still not sure that this isn't a spoof, but here goes:

HONOLULU — The only whale-dolphin mix in captivity has given birth to a playful female calf, officials at Sea Life Park Hawaii said Thursday.

The calf was born on Dec. 23 to Kekaimalu, a mix of a false killer whale and an Atlantic bottlenose dolphin. Park officials said they waited to announce the birth until now because of recent changes in ownership and operations at the park.

The young as-yet unnamed wholphin is one-fourth false killer whale and three-fourths Atlantic bottlenose dolphin. Her slick skin is an even blend of a dolphin's light gray and the black coloring of a false killer whale.

What?! I had no idea such a thing was possible. Have you ever heard of such? Tee hee. What a weird notion to wake up to.

Crap That Appalls
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: "Winter" by Tori Amos
Brent Bozell notes the widespread public outcry that was made when Jimmy Carter failed to join President Bush and two other former Presidents at the funeral for Pope John Paul II (emphasis mine):

The ongoing news coverage of the pope?s death pleased a lot of Americans ? especially the stirring live coverage of the papal funeral on April 5, when the TV networks did a nice job of mixing silence and expert commentary. The cable networks even respectfully replayed the ceremony in prime time. But in the midst of it all, there were those journalists who had to, just had to, find a way to criticize President Bush.

On April 3, NBC?s "Today" show bizarrely found the makings of civil war after perusing the list of presidents attending the papal funeral. President Jimmy Carter was missing from the list! A snub! Pass it on! Katie Couric began the show by fussing: "the question some people are asking is ?Where's President Carter in all this?? Are the Bushes and the Carters the modern day version of the Hatfields and the McCoys?"

Is this splayed rictus of a she-clown fucking serious? Not only did I not give a good goddamn that the wretched recipient of the 2002 Nobel Peace Prize (that was explicitly awarded as a slam against George W. Bush) didn't go with the others, I have no idea why he would have been expected to.

There's not enough of the people I dislike fucking off like they need to.

"The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves."
Now Playing: "Big Log" by Robert Plant
Courtesy of Mr. Johnson, here's the latest ---and probably the last--- word on the Giuliana Sgrena incident:

The investigation found the car was about 130 yards from the checkpoint when the soldiers flashed their lights as a warning to stop. But the car kept coming and, at 90 yards, warning shots were fired. At 65 yards, when the car failed to stop, the soldiers used lethal force — a machine gun burst that killed Calipari and wounded Sgrena and the driver.

Senior U.S. military officials say it took only about four seconds from the first warning to the fatal shots, but insist the soldiers acted properly under the current rules of engagement.

Calipari's death was a terrible moment, but it wasn't a matter of Americans maliciously shooting their Italian friend; it was a matter of self-preservation for some young men manning a checkpoint in the middle of the night in Baghdad.

It's important to note that Calipari was himself largely at fault for this. Had he informed the American military of his intentions and the situation beforehand, it is very unlikely that any such shooting would have ever taken place. But he tried to keep it a secret. That's on him. Because, obviously ---and contrary to what the delusional Sgrena has to say about it--- there was no reason to murder a high-profile ex-hostage at the moment of her liberation. Anyone who believes that Sgrena and her pro-terrorist crap is so damaging to our war efforts that we would risk infuriating our allies in Italy by killing her is nuttier than she is.

Dearest Dolores
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: "Turn to Stone" by the Electric Light Orchestra
I was quite surprised and pleased to see this story on CNN's website this morning. To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the release of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass' classsic album Whipped Cream & Other Delights ---and, let's face it, the greatest album cover in the history of popular music--- Shout! Factory Records is releasing a special edition of this classic.

Despite the success of "The Lonely Bull," Alpert and the Tijuana Brass -- originally a collection of Los Angeles session musicians -- didn't have much chart success until "Whipped Cream," which was released in April 1965. The album -- or album cover, featuring a nude Dolores Erickson covered in ersatz whipped cream -- caught the public's fancy, and the rest is history.

"We'll never know exactly what made this album Herb Alpert's big commercial breakthrough -- the music or the LP jacket," writes Richard S. Ginell on Allmusic.com, praising the album for its "eclectic" selections (all of which involved food) and "unique sense of timing."

Ah, yes. Good eatin'.

And, wonderfully, the model who made the famous cover has a website at which she sells autographed copies of it for 50 bucks a pop. Not a bad deal.

Now where's my damned wallet?

See You Next Wednesday
On yesterday's Wall Street Journal editorial page, James Taranto wrote of John Kerry's recent comments on voter intimidation in the 2004 Election (emphasis added):

John Kerry, the haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who by the way served in Vietnam, showed up yesterday at a Boston event, where he was "using crutches as he recovers from knee surgery," reports the Associated Press. He was also using emotional crutches as he recovers from last year's election:

"Last year too many people were denied their right to vote, too many who tried to vote were intimidated," the Massachusetts senator said at an event sponsored by the state League of Women Voters. . . .

Kerry also cited examples Sunday of how people were duped into not voting.

"Leaflets are handed out saying Democrats vote on Wednesday, Republicans vote on Tuesday. People are told in telephone calls that if you've ever had a parking ticket, you're not allowed to vote," he said.

It's a pretty amazing charge to make, so where did Kerry hear of it?

Why, The Onion! Where else? A week before the election, which was held on Tuesday, 2 November 2004, this satirical newspaper ran a story about a GOP "effort" to turn out the minority vote:

With the knowledge that the minority vote will be crucial in the upcoming presidential election, Republican Party officials are urging blacks, Hispanics, and other minorities to make their presence felt at the polls on Wednesday, Nov. 3.

[...]

"Let's be honest," Republican National Committee chairman Ed Gillespie said. "The Bush camp has been criticized for ignoring the minority vote for some time, especially during the last election. This project is our way of correcting that misperception. The Bush camp is extremely concerned about the black vote, especially in places like Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. This year, on Nov. 3, we'll make a concerted effort to welcome minority voters into our own special camps with open arms."

As you can see, this wicked plot to disenfranchise the voters was seared ---seared--- into Kerry's memory.

Byron York on the Myth of Fahrenheit 9/11
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" by the Platters
Be sure to read this excerpt by Byron York from his new book The Vast Left Wing Conspiracy. It's just full of pissing-off-old-friend goodness:

[...] I asked Rove what he thought of Michael Moore?s blastingly anti-Bush movie, Fahrenheit 9/11. Had it had an effect on the presidential race?

"It?s an artful piece of propaganda," Rove said.

Was that all? Had he seen the picture?

"I plead guilty to violating the copyright laws of the United States by watching a bootleg DVD," Rove answered with a grin. "I refuse to enrich [Moore]," he added, giving the clear impression that he had a rather low opinion of the filmmaker.

With a little more prodding, Rove said he wasn?t worried about the picture and did not see it playing a substantial role in the election. But he had watched it ? at a time when some others on the White House staff were saying they would not see it. Rove was too careful a man, and his mind too wide-ranging, not to want to judge for himself.

York argues that Fahrenheit 9/11's nationwide success is a myth ---and he backs it up with some interesting numbers:

One key measure studios apply to a picture?s performance is whether it does better or worse than might be expected in any given DMA [i.e., Designated Market Area]. They do that by calculating each DMA?s share of the total North American box office. Los Angeles, for example, accounts for 8.32 percent of the box office for all films, New York for 7.78 percent, and San Francisco for 3.40 percent. If the San Francisco box office for a film accounts for more than 3.40 percent of a film?s total gross, the film is said to have overperformed in San Francisco. If the city accounted for, say, 5.10 percent of a picture?s North American gross, then the film would be said to have overperformed by 50 percent. Studios use those measurements to compare films with one another, and entire film genres with one another. Do action pictures do better in Philadelphia? Romantic comedies in St. Louis? That sort of thing.

Overall, Fahrenheit 9/11 did extremely well in North America?s top eight markets, according to the numbers compiled by Nielsen EDI. The film actually underperformed slightly in the largest market, Los Angeles, down just under 4 percent from the market?s normal DMA share. (That was probably due to the presence of conservative Orange County, which makes up a significant part of the Los Angeles DMA.) But it overperformed in the next seven largest markets. In New York it overperformed by nearly 43 percent; Fahrenheit 9/11 took in 11.12 percent of its total box office in that city alone. It did even better in San Francisco, overperforming by 73 percent, and did above-normal business in Chicago, Toronto (by 79 percent), Philadelphia, Boston (by 49 percent), and Washington DC (by 62 percent).

Fahrenheit 9/11 also did well in Seattle, Montreal, Ottawa, Portland, Oregon, Monterey, California, and Burlington, Vermont. In all, two things stand out from those numbers. One is that the picture overperformed only in blue states, and even then only in the most urban parts of those blue states. And the second is that it did very well in Canada. Fahrenheit 9/11 consistently overperformed in Canadian cities; without that boffo business, the film?s gross would have been significantly smaller than it was.

Oh, just read the whole thing.